What kind of therapy?

[debbs77]

Hi all,

I've realised today that I need to get some kind of therapy for how i feel. They're feelings i have had for around 11 years of so, since my ex husband cheated on me.

I never ever feel like i am enough. Ever. Growing up my Mum rarely paid compliments, I'd ask if I looked nice in something or other and she would say "well you would if.....(insert something there)". She would always be against anything that gave me independence, yet would tell anyone who would listen that I was doing it. We are no contact now, due to an incident that she totally blames me for. When my Dad left her and he lost the court case for access she told me "well he never wanted you anyway".

My ex husband had an affair after 14 years.

Since he left, I always have a feeling of never being quite good enough. I go round and round in circles in my head, and these thoughts go up and down during the month.

I've walked away from relationships on a total whim because I was having these feelings.

I'm in a wonderful relationship and we have a baby. We have had a few issues over the years, and my instant reaction has been to leave, even over minor things. It is my go to response......I guess the feeling is that I get to be in control by leaving, before being left. And as I've been a single mum twice before, I know I can do it on my own which kind of makes it worse!

So I know I need therapy. My thoughts consume me sometimes. But I'm not sure what type

I would look at the BACP website. Therapists work in a variety of modalities but you’ll likely find someone who is a good fit for you there. I had to meet with a handful first to find the right fit.

Look online, contact one and talk through it. When I did it, we discussed on the phone what kind of therapy I felt would help but then different techniques and supporting mechanisms will be discussed during sessions.

What I would say is please be patient. I did therapy before but after a few sessions I felt it was enough and stopped.

This time, going through emotional abuse and divorce - and similar to you I don't think I'm good enough in many ways - I have been going to therapy for several months and plan on continuing for some time. It takes a while to work through things so don't give up 😊 xx

I had therapy after leaving an abusive marriage. Apparently it was gestalt therapy. I also had EMDR with the same therapist. I think both of these worked really well for me but to be honest I was assigned this therapist by the NHS then ended up going privately when the free sessions ran out so I didn't chose them at the outset. I think a lot of it is probably who you feel comfortable with so maybe worth calling up a few therapists to have a chat and see how you feel?

I would say EMDR, that's the most evdence-based for trauma and what you're experiencing is knock-on effects from a painful experience.

It's a great therapy to do anyway, and most people have some uunpleasant experiences it can help wiith.

Thank you so much for everyone's advice I found a local counsellor and have emailed them, and it is at a beautiful venue that I know of which is very calm and lovely. So sill see what she comes back with