Should he pay child maintenance

[Elizag20]

So my little one is 9 months old. Her dad and I are trying to salvage our relationship. We don’t live together but baby and I stay at his a couple of nights per week. He’s never made any of the big purchases for her but he occasionally buys nappies and vests. Would you ask him to pay child maintenance or not?

Yes.

He needs to pay something. If he hasn’t offered then I would be going down the official route

Of course. Why wouldn’t he pay for his child?

Of course he should.

If he was any kind of man, he'd be paying already.

What makes you think he shouldn't pay maintenance, OP?

Because we’re working through our relationship and trying to make it work. I’m not really sure.

@Eliza2021

Because we’re working through our relationship and trying to make it work. I’m not really sure.

But really, if your relationship is so fragile that asking him to contribute to the expenses of his own child like a decent father is going to break you guys up, you've got nothing and he's not a worthwhile person.

What sort of bloke thinks buying a few nappies occasionally is OK?

Raise your standards - he's not worth getting back with if he avoids his responsibilites for his own child.

Jesus! Why do you think he shouldn't pay towards his child?

@Eliza2021 regardless of whether you are together or not, it doesn't change the fact that he is equally responsible for your/his daughter. Take away the word 'maintenance' and think of it as him playing his part in providing for her, as a father should. You really shouldn't need to ask him to do this but don't be scared to if that's what it takes x

You've had a name change fail, Eliza.

Whether you are together or apart, the responsibility for the costs associated with her are joint. He should pay 50% of the costs. And if he doesn't want to, why would you want a relationship with him?

@Eliza2021

Because we’re working through our relationship and trying to make it work. I’m not really sure.

Name change fail?

He should be paying towards your shared child sheathed you are together, apart or working through things.

*whether not sheathed 🙄

Why are you trying to salvage a relationship with a man who doesn't provide for his child?

Your relationship is separate to his obligation to contribute financially to his child. He should be paying

I was told that I’d never be able to have children so my little one was a shock and I’ve suffered from pre/postnatal anxiety and depression so my mental health is making me unsure of myself.

Think you may have had a name change fail

But yes he needs to pay maintenance if you are not together. His reaction to this is a good measure on the rest of it

Of course!

Yes and hopefully the two of you can agree the amount. Check the CMS online calculator for a rough guideline of what he should be paying and then ask him. If he refuses that’s awkward but you can make an appl to the CMS.

Bear in mind that the number of nights your daughter spends with him reduces the amount to be paid.

(I’m a family solicitor)

Yes. Why hasn’t he offered? Why does he think it’s your job to pay for everything she needs?

If this is him making an effort…

He has a child, like every other parent should he needs to provide for that child.
I don’t see why trying to make things work should mean you pay for everything?

If you doubt yourself over stuff like this, just ask yourself if it would be ok if you did the same.

He should be and if he’s not offering then I’d be rethinking the relationship completely

Who is trying to salvage it. If he isn't generous enough to psy the legal minimum towards his child without asking i would walk. You deserve better.

What makes him exempt from paying for his dc? He’s trying to keep you sweet by letting you stay at his and buy some nappies and baby vests, which is probably the fraction in what he’d have to pay in maintenance.
Contact CMS.

The kind of man who actually loves their child and wants to take responsibility for them and be part of their lives forever doesn't need to be TOLD or ASKED to offer to contribute money towards their living costs.

That tells you all you need to know.

Stop trying to salvage the relationship on both of your behalf's.

It's so much healthier for a child to see an independent mother than it is to see an imbalanced, unhealthy, toxic dynamic between a mum who is responsible and a dad who thinks childcare is by default the job of whoever has a vagina in the relationship.

He's not a good dad. He's not a good partner. At all:

Jesus wept.. I despair at some threads...

Get onto CMS asap. 🌸