Would you expect your DP to forget the condom?

[Panashd]

I’ve developed an irritation following condom use. Nothing major but it’s very uncomfortable. We sometimes don’t use condoms anyway as I’m on the pill.

I’ve even tried other types of condom and get the same irritation.

Would you expect your DP to be ok with losing the condoms in this context? He’s always been keen to use them as a general rule (not always!) just to be on the safe side. But he’s also quite relaxed about contraception failing, said he’d be ok with an accident.

I want to bring it up and say no more condoms but is that unfair of me? Is it reasonable ?

So he does already sometimes not use them, and you’ve discussed pregnancy and he seems ok with that, so I think it’s perfectly reasonable to suggest.

And no, I wouldn't "expect" him to give up using condoms - we're always saying men should take control of their own fertility and he should have worn a condom etc when there's an unplanned pregnancy.

Maybe move to other sex acts for a while and see if things calm down, if he's not keen to drop condom use.

Have you tried latex free ones? As a pp said I'd just ask him how he'd feel about no using them.

So you're having sex with him, but you're not comfortable to discuss it with him, even when it's resulting in you being physically uncomfortable.

This

I think it’s a very good sign that he’s committed to using condoms and given the number of pill failures on this site, I personally wouldn’t just rely on it. Unplanned pregnancies are fine until you have one.

Of course it's reasonable and very normal to discuss contraception options throughout relationships as things change/evolve. It's not controlling to say you would like to consider a different option, particularly as it's causing you discomfort! I think the bigger worry here is that you don't feel comfortable talking to him about it.

If he is happy with pregnancy risk then its a lot easier to ask.

I absolutely dont want more children so always use condoms even if my partner is on the pill.

Luckily not met anyone who has a reaction to them

I’m not asking for advice on whether the pill is ok as contraception. We are fine with that. I’m just asking whether it’s reasonable for me to ask this of him if he’s used to using them

@Panashd Of course it is. I'm a great fan of condoms but I imagine most couples stop using them if they've been together a while or been tested, assuming they're on another form of contraception.

@category12

And no, I wouldn't "expect" him to give up using condoms - we're always saying men should take control of their own fertility and he should have worn a condom etc when there's an unplanned pregnancy.

Maybe move to other sex acts for a while and see if things calm down, if he's not keen to drop condom use.

This.

There's so many posts on here saying the man should take responsibility for their own fertility, especially when it's the man posting for advice, so it should be a plus he's doing so.

Should you be able to ask him directly? Yes.
Is he within his rights to say no? Yes.
If I were a man, would it ring alarm bells? To be honest, probably but if in a committed relationship and ready for children, then no

I agree with IWantT0BreakFree His actions show that he wants to do his damnest to ensure there is no accidental pregnancy. Being 'ok' with the possibility of an accident does suggest he won't leave you high and dry, but isn't a sign that he is remotely keen on the idea.

I'm also concerned that you don't seem to have good communication with him. Talking about contraception shouldn't be a big deal. Is there any particular reason why this is difficult for you?

Definitely second the op suggesting using latex free - far less chance of irritation. Not sure how I’d feel about being in a relationship with someone who is a bit awkward about the second stuff though, that sounds like something you need to address before planning any kind of future together!?

(‘sex stuff’ not ‘second stuff’… autocorrect also clearly feels a bit awkward about it too!!)

Have you tried latex free condoms? I had a similar reaction and I'm sure that's what I tried and they were fine. (Many moons ago)

I don’t see any issues with asking, but as others suggest a look at non latex alternatives would probably be an easier conversion, especially if he is using condoms as a kinda safety net.

Or you could just get some and say can we try these as the regular ones irritate me
www.durex.co.uk/products/durex-latex-free-condoms-12-pack