Help what should I do

[Nightworker]

Help what should I do, I have been with my partner for 9 years and have 3 children. The thing is he is a lovely man very trusting but my problem is I don’t find him as attractive as I used to do and we don’t seem to have any active conversations anymore and we don’t do anything together. I also have been talking to another man but nothing has ever happened we are just friends who chat but we seem just to get on so much and have good conversation between us both. The thought of leaving my partner has crossed my mind on several occasions but just haven’t gone through with it, but it’s making me miserable I just don’t know what to do.

You are stuck in a stalemate. When attraction goes and conversation drops it is going to need real change to get back what you had.

Would you consider some counselling to work through your feelings and get some clarity?

The other guy is a distraction from the problem that is your marriage.

A. See if you and your partner can identify why the relationship has become stale, what’s led to the loss of attraction, and whether you want to get it back on track.

B. Break up.

C. Negotiate an open relationship.

All of the options are going to require you being honest with him about how you feel and both of you communicating about what’s wrong and how / whether you can put in the effort to fix it.

At any rate, take this other man out of the equation. Would you want to separate from your partner were he not around? Don’t base your decisions on a dream that you could leave your current relationship and start a new one with him: he might be enjoying the chat and ego boost of knowing you really like him; there’s no guarantee he’s interested in plunging into an immediate relationship with a newly single mum of three young children.

I think you may be at the point of no return if you're chatting to another man. If you really want to give your relationship a try, you need to stop talking to the other man, get some couple counselling and arrange some date nights with your partner. Or you make the decision to leave. Nothing will get better by carrying on like this and you will carry on being miserable. You have to commit to a decision either way.

I know its hard when you have children together but you have to do what is right for you and it'll all work out in the end. Good luck

Thankyou I know deep down I really need to stop talking to him, but he is just my friend and I enjoy talking to him, but like you said I need to make a choice one way or the other.