Relationship insecurity

[Laura13579]

Hi Everyone,
Looking for a bit of relationship advice if anyone can help.
I suffer with terrible relationship insecurity. As a result I am extremely needy. I hate my behaviour at times and I'm trying so hard to improve both for my own sanity and well being and that of my relationship. I am finding this really difficult. I have sought counselling support however there is a long wait. I was wondering if anyone has any helpful advice or has been through the same and could let me know how they turned things around. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Shadow work, sort your inner child out. Except your neediness, work out where it comes from, talk to your neediness and say thank you for looking out for me.

How does the insecurity and neediness manifest for you?

I'd recommend reading the book 'Attached' by Levine and Heller

A lot of relationship insecurity manifests when the relationships is one of the few things you feel you have. You need to structure your own life as an individual so that if your relationship did end, you know that, whilst you might be sad it wouldn’t be a devastating end of the world scenario and you’d be able to move on with your life and the other things in it.

I was quite needy in my relationships in my early twenties. I’m now mid-thirties and in a great relationship - but the thing is, I know I don’t need the relationship, or DP, to be happy. I have my wonderful friends and my great job, my own money, an active social life etc. As a result, I’m very secure and relaxed in my relationship, I don’t worry about it or overthink it, I don’t place demands on DP or try to control his behaviour out of desperation or fear of losing him. And resulting from all of that, we’re brilliant.

The proviso of all of the above, is that your neediness and insecurity isn’t in fact driven by being in a poor relationship to start with. If you’re needy and insecure because your partner has previously cheated / behaves badly / doesn’t treat you very well then the solution is to dump him.

I don't quite agree with the above about not needing but there is an element of that.

I am quite into psychodynamic therapy and education. Our brain stores memories that we're not aware of and we practice out our stories of what we have told ourselves about how relationships should be. Any decent attachment work will have you working out your time line and working through your stories that you've told yourself to protect yourself subconsciously. When you get your story straight you can begin to heal. You can have a great successful life and not need a dp for fun/financially/sex/companionship but your attachment in your relationship will have you believing you need them and scared to let them go. Its often why women stay in abusive relationships - their attachment to their partner feels safe, like home should feel but yet there in the most danger.

Have a Google about life story work/attachment/shadow work/inner child healing. There's loads of resources out there. I recommend Richard Rose, he works with adoptive placements that are going wrong and his ways may be for children but you could start there and do your own life story work.