Unable to eat after breakup

[user1919]

Split with partner of 11 years nearly three months ago. Has now turned rather messy and slightly toxic, unfortunately. He left me for another woman and they will be going for their 12 week scan next week (we have no children, thankfully for this situation!)

My days are up and down - feel okay one minute, an emotional & depressed wreck the next. Since the breakup I have hardly eaten and know this isn't helping, any advice or experience please? I think I've cooked once and maybe eaten out with friends possibly two or three times. I just can't stomach anything, I'm not feeling hungry and just can't seem to force myself to eat anything and definitely not regularly. Since all of this I have lost nearly 2 stone (which I needed to!) but I know this isn't a healthy way to carry on.

Smoothies, drink some calories. Get a really nice protein powder to help with slowing muscle loss. Blend it with fruit or milk. Fortifying when you can't eat. I'm very sensitive with food when upset.

grief is a big factor here, and as you eat less that also lessens your appetite further. Take vitamins and look after yourself til it comes back (it should, gradually) have a browse online of various supermarkets and see if you can find anything new/exciting/tempting/easy whatever you need in the moment

Yeah. Innocent smoothies in the fridge door in nice colours. Just a little, small glasses as and when you can manage it.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Try eating something small and sweet to start with. When I’ve not been able to eat I was told this can help get your hunger going, then you can eat something more substantial

Look up 'fortisip' drinks just for now while you're struggling to eat, they're mainly for people recovering from illness but if you're not eating they'll give you everything you need. I'm so sorry for what you're going through

I do this too so I know how you feel. Every time I've been through something really horrible and stressful like a break up, the first thing that happens is I go off food. It'll come back when you're feeling better but all I can say is if you feel like something, regardless of what it is and if it's 'healthy' or not, have it. Better to have something than nothing at the moment so if you feel like a few bites of pizza, have that. You'll feel more jittery if you don't eat so if you can, that's great, because ultimately it will help you feel better. Explore ways of helping your anxiety and you will come out the other side eventually. It is horrible though, I'm so sorry

So sorry that your ex is such a selfish and insufferable bastard. You deserve so so much better but god this must be hurting.

It sounds like grief, which is completely understandable. Just make sure you drink enough water and eat small amount of anything you can manage, even if it's just a little fruit. It will get better in time but just do as you need to for now x

I can't eat when I'm anxious so have dealt with this a lot.

Just take bites of what you can, when you can. Don't worry about eating full meals if you can't stomach it.

Smoothies and meal replacement shakes are your friend.

You may have lulls so make the most of them and eat at those times.

Sending love your way, you'll get through it x

And make your own smoothies. A banana, yoghurt, juice and a handful of fruit in a blender. You'd be surprised how much you can get down you in liquid form. Throw in some avocado or seeds for extra nutrients.

Sorry you are going through this. When my H dropped his bombshell out of the blue a few months ago I was the same - lost well over a stone. Fruit, soup and sweet tea kept me going, little and often. It did feel like he died, didn’t recognise him any more. It’s definitely a grieving, give it time it does get better x

Make your own smoothies
Buy soups or make them. Blend them up. See if you can rip up some bread and soak them in the soup to make them squidgy and easy to eat.
Buy some great vitamins.

This too will pass XXX

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I get the same when stressed. The thing to hold onto is that you will eventually get your appetite back.

In the meantime, how about buying some nice prepared fruits to nibble on. Miso sachets or sachets of soup so you can drink in a mug are good. As others have said you can drink smoothies or buy some Complan shake from the chemist or supermarket.

Are you taking a multivitamin? Weight loss is one thing, vitamin deficiency is another. It can really affect you, particularly hormonally. Last thing you need right now is hormone peaks and troughs.

Smoothies, smooth soups as a drink. And food you can just grab. Snack food. Easy food. Half the battle is being able to be bothered to prep, so take that off your plate (figuratively)

If you've needed to lose weight anyway, remember that this is what body fat is actually for. It's not just a waste product - it's fuel for hard times. It's a clever evolutionary strategy. So, unless you start getting underweight, don't worry too much. Your body will take care of itself.

Sorry you are going through this. I struggle to eat when anxious or stressed I agree smoothies are good. I also find picking at things like fruit nuts or bits of cheese help

Thanks for all your advice and kind words. I have some meal replacement shake powders so will give that a go today. When feeling positive I have done a bit of a food shop but then I go back to feeling like this and everything fresh just goes to waste.

I suppose knowing he's happy and got everything he wanted in life with someone new so quickly has broken me. The grief explanation does make sense...

Do only things that are good for you, OP. Start small: a meal replacement shake, buying some nutritious soup. Feel pleased with yourself for doing whatever small thing you can, just for you. Hot bath. Bunch of flowers. Hot chocolate with cream and sprinkles and a bit of cinnamon (good for the soul)

Gradually you will progress, and the things you do for yourself will get bigger and more fulfilling. On the day you finally complete your pilot's course and fly your first plane independently, or reach piano grade 8 and perform your first concert... he will be breaking up with this woman who has had the misfortune to get pregnant with a cheat. They do not have the dream relationship. They have a relationship which has started with cheating, a messy upheaval and (highly likely) an accidental pregnancy. The fact that he has a new woman doesn't mean he is no longer a cheat, or that he is suddenly a dream man.

Don't let your betrayed mind tell you stories, because betayed minds love to catastrophise. Consciously tell yourself stories of how you are going to incrementally make you better.

Start with soup

I remember this feeling so well- my friend took me to M and S for some lovely ready meals about 3 weeks after my break up and the thought of food gave me such an upset stomach we had to hurry home- it feels so VISCERAL this level of grief doesn't it?
I second something small, dry and sweet- ginger biscuits or rich tea - i would eat sweet tea with salted pretzels - the occasional banana when I craved something fresh