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Relationships

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Original poster

Boy expecting a baby with someone else…

27 replies

adviceneeded92 · 05/07/2021 23:41

Relationships/parenting I guess?

I’ve recently reconnected with a guy I was talking to about 3 years ago, and since we’ve been talking again, it’s been great, very easy, comfortable and natural, we get on so well, but… he’s expecting a baby next month with another woman. He’s been completely honest about it from the beginning, and it was only a short fling so no chance of them getting together, but I don’t know what to do…

I haven’t got any kids of my own, although I do in the future, and this will be his first, and I think because of the unknown, I just can’t stop thinking about it, how it might impact our relationship, how complicated it could make everything…

Does anyone else have experience in a similar situation?

OP posts:

Anordinarymum · 05/07/2021 23:47

I know someone in a similar position. The guy co-parents the child 50% with the mother even though they are not together as a couple.

He's a really nice guy and a great dad but that is only a part of who he is.

I would say to play it by ear and see how things pan out. Don't dismiss someone because of a life situation when they might be really nice.

pegboardsu · 05/07/2021 23:52

Not an ideal situation, but it is what it is.
He has been honest throughout.

I would be carefully watching how he behaves.

Any man who does not fully support the mother of his newborn child would be a man I would absolutely not consider a future with.

There is no reason why you can't (respectfully) be involved, making food for the new mum, supporting your BF. The situation won't go away, nor can it be changed, but this is an opportunity for you to see if this is the sort of person who steps up to his responsibilities, or not.

Good luck.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 06/07/2021 00:21

Tbh someone focusing on dating when they have a baby due would really put me off. I feel like they should have considered the potential complications and demands on time and been mature enough to decide not to date while they're getting to grips with parenthood.

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 06/07/2021 00:42

I'd not want this. I wouldn't want to be starting out in life with man who already had a newborn with someone else. A good man will want to be a fully involved father and selfishly, I'd want his attention and focus to not be on another family. And of he was the kind of man who didn't want to be a fully involved father, then I'd not want him anyway. This; s a situation where no one can win

userrnamemn · 06/07/2021 00:44

It isn’t my dream situation to say the least, but life isn’t always as simple and straight forward as you like. I wouldn’t write him off yet, the baby is due in a months time, so I would keep a little distance and see how the next few months go. As someone else says, this is a good way to see who he truly is and if he’s someone you want to start a family with in the future. This is assuming you’re open to welcoming a baby into your life?

userrnamemn · 06/07/2021 00:45

Also, what the mother of the baby is like and how she’ll be can make a big difference. Will she be welcoming of him having a partner and being apart of the baby’s life? She’ll need a lot of support from him and that won’t be fun for you if you’re not allowed to be part of it in the future.

Maggiesfarm · 06/07/2021 02:28

Not a good idea to get too involved frankly. See how it goes - but you've only been talking to him so far and it may come to nothing anyway.

If you do continue with him, go slow. Having a baby changes people, it's a huge responsibility. If he was living with you he might want you involved, you could end up being a stepmother and just reading threads on MN is enough to put anyone off that.

Good luck. Keep your options open. There are nice men around who do not have babies conceived on a careless one night stand/fling.

QueenBee52 · 06/07/2021 02:37

Walk away 🌸

Leshan · 06/07/2021 03:15

I'd walk away.

PerveenMistry · 06/07/2021 03:21

He has more important things to do now than focus on a new girlfriend.

I'd run.

Suzi888 · 06/07/2021 03:31

@userrnamemn

^ this Is there a chance he could end up going back. Having children definitely changes people… I’d take it very slowly.

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 06/07/2021 03:35

I would run a mile.

Onlinedilema · 06/07/2021 03:37

I'd walk away too.

Sakurami · 06/07/2021 03:49

I don't see the point of starting something like this now. It didn't work out 3 years ago when you were both free and now there are going to be all sorts of complications with a new baby. I think it's best to leave it.

HoppingHamster · 06/07/2021 04:05

Not for me at all, you’d be the third person in his life. It didn’t work in the past, what’s changed so much that you think it would work now and a relationship could sustain the notion of him becoming a new father?

harverina · 06/07/2021 04:05

If I am honest, unless it was already serious and you were committed to each other, I would walk away.

I just feel that it would be so complicated from the start. He needs to focus on becoming a dad at the moment.

I think in the end you would constantly feel like you were on the back burner.

JustATypo · 06/07/2021 04:13

Run don’t walk. Way too much going on in his life at present, and he needs to be left to deal with a new baby, and navigating his new role as a parent and how to work out tonnes of things with the baby’s mum. That’s all going to be a work in progress for all the first year and probably will change a lot over the next few years.

And really, would you expect a pregnant single mum to be looking for a new relationship when she was about to have a baby? Put the same standards on the dad.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/07/2021 04:55

I wouldn't walk away, I'd be running. You only know what he wants you to believe.

KittyWindbag · 06/07/2021 05:46

His life is about to change dramatically, and there’s no way of knowing how it’s going to affect all areas of his life. Personally, I would think there’s too much going on and that he should be prioritising becoming a parent.

Aprilx · 06/07/2021 07:48

No experience if a similar situation as it isn’t something I would ever have contemplated. Not only did it not go anywhere last time, but why would you get yourself in such a complicated situation when you don’t need to. Find a single man who is not about to have his first child next month is my advice.

ClosdesMouches · 06/07/2021 07:52

Reconnected after 'talking' ' 3 years ago? Who made initial contact?
I'd leave this one well alone.

HollowTalk · 06/07/2021 07:54

I'd run away too.

lunar1 · 06/07/2021 08:21

There is every chance they could start a relationship when their baby arrives. Hormones are all over the place, he will probably be spending lots of time with her at her house. She's not likely to want you involved in any way for a good 6-12 months, and that's just if she's being kind. Many women would be obstructive about new girlfriends being around their very young children.

It's not worth it, if he's a decent dad he won't have time for a new relationship. If he has plenty of time for you it wouldn't bode well for and future children you may want tog.

holrosea · 06/07/2021 09:02

I was wonderinng about the "recently reconnected" too! Who reconnected with who? And organically as in "we ran into one another in Waitrose", or did he pop up unexpectedly online? Because I'm sorry OP but my mind immediately goes to late night contact scrolling for a "who can I chat to in this situation I've gotten myself into?".

Firstly I'd not be overly impresed at him rekindling past flings a month before d-day. If he's all over you he's a terrible co-parent so no good for you either. If he's heavily involved in baby, he's ot available to you so also no good for you. I honestly think that he's using you (not maliciously) to escape from this situation he's created.

A wild guess but if 92 in your user name means you are only 29, this is far too much drama to be inviting into your life when you could find a single, childless man who is 100% available to committ to you.

PurpleRainDancer · 06/07/2021 09:04

You lost me at 'boy'

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