Nice guy... is it me?

[Beeleave]

Never had much luck in relationships... recently been thru a break up. It was a bit crap, it always is being dumped but am fine.

A guy I have always liked from afar has asked me out. Went on one date. He always seemed to be a bit of a bad boy ... he's since sent me the biggest bunch of flowers and messages me in the morning and evening saying he can't believe how lucky he is and soppy stuff along those lines. It's really putting me off,

But my relationships never go well so maybe I need a nicer guy. Any advice?!!!

Known him a few years and never had him down as over the top romantic... always seemed a cool customer.

I would take it as a compliment really but ask him to slow down. Tell him that you are not his girlfriend and you would like to go on a few more dates to get to know him a little better. (If that's what you wish)
However if he's giving you the ick already it's probably not going to get any better. Save him some heartache and politely decline a second date.

@Beeleave

But then I think what if I have finally met someone who really will love me and I am chucking it away because I am not used to normal dating?

Don't question yourself. Don't worry about trust.

If someone does something that makes you feel off (any kind of 'off', so... anxious, sad, freaked out, overwhelmed, angry, distant etc etc), tell them how you feel. If they keep doing it, leave. It really is that simple.

And as for meeting someone who will really love you... you're meant to be looking for someone you will really love. And you don't really even like the way he's being with you, so far.

Tell him how you feel. 'You're really full on and it's not nice for me.' See if he responds respectfully.

Have you heard of love bombing?

Narcissistic people use this technique to reel you in, make you fall in love with them before revealing their true selves and become very controlling.
They tend to go for women who are kind and have lots of empathy for others.

If it doesn't feel genuine to you, then it probably isnt. I believe we should listen to our sixth sense, as its normally spot on.

@Boxingmum

Have you heard of love bombing?

Narcissistic people use this technique to reel you in, make you fall in love with them before revealing their true selves and become very controlling.
They tend to go for women who are kind and have lots of empathy for others.

If it doesn't feel genuine to you, then it probably isnt. I believe we should listen to our sixth sense, as its normally spot on.

That is so true. I wasn't going to chime in about me and I'm now 61 but I did have a boyfriend when young who was like that. He overwhelmed me with attention, gifts, treats and I fell for him. He dumped me after six months in a really horrible way. It took me ages to get over him - but I did.

However the op's friend may not be like that, he could be genuine. In her place I would just play it by ear, be cool, and see how it goes.

Read up on lovebombing, it's red flag behaviour for a reason and will be the tip of the iceberg.

Give guys like this a swerve.

Sending flowers and meaningless texts doesn't make him a nice guy, those things really don't mean anything. I agree with others that he's love bombing and your senses have picked up something isn't right, I suspect your previous perception of him as a bad boy is likely to be more accurate.

Runnnnnnn! Love bomber alert. And people who do this shit are not sane. Or good human beings. It's something narcissists (npd) and similar predators like psychopaths do. Your gut told you he was 'bad', and now its telling you is behaviour is not normal! Because it bloody well isn't. He is essentially a spider trying to trap you in his web.

Theres a parade of red flags waving here op! Heed them and run for the bloody hills. And read up on how to spot narcissists when dating.

Trust your gut! Better single than anywhere near this psycho.

@TheFoundations what a brilliant post!

Listen to your gut.
It does sound like love-bombing in which case RUN.
Alternatively, someone who falls so quickly (if he has genuinely fallen head over heels so fast) without building a relationship could presumably fall quickly with anyone (and could therefore move on to someone else very quickly once the heady romance has passed).
In any case, it's very full on and heavy, and not something you're comfortable with, so I think you are right to talk to him about it. If he respects your feelings and lightens up, then perhaps it's worth sticking with a while longer. If he reverts to the love bombing then that will tell you what you need to know.

He sounds sleazy and predatory OP it's giving me the ick just reading your posts. And he's 10 years older which I often think is a red flag in a relationship (more likely than not). He's waiting until you're over your grief? Well you get to decide when you're ready, not him.

Thank you everyone, I have postponed the date so I can think about what I actually want to do. I am very cautious and protective of myself now which is a good thing but I worry that sometimes I am too much so. Good to hear other people's takes on it.