Starting to believe I won't ever meet someone...

[Pessimist999]

I'm starting to think I won't ever meet anyone, that relationships are all shite etc. Isn't love a load of crap? I get one's love for your own kids, family etc. But for a man? I'm starting to think it's not worth it. I'm mid 30s and have dated and been in quite a few relationships, but they've all been dicks. Really starting to think I need to pack it in.

Is there any common traits you've found in the men you've dated so far? Bad boys, smooth talkers, 'troubled' souls, commitment phobes?

Yeah, a lot of guys are dicks. Might be worth reflecting on what has gone wrong before to see if there are any patterns in behaviour you have experienced that you might want to avoid in the future.

No patterns. Even the nice guys turn out to be disappointing. The nicest guy I’ve known since uni has now started to cheat on his gf.

I just don’t have any hope left.

What was your childhood like? Some people are not very good on picking up what is low level poor behaviour. So they fall in to a predictable pattern. People with rock solid boundaries get out of there straight away. So there are many dicks but you need to learn how to spot them and get out of there straight away.

@Pessimist999 your last post made me laugh out loud and I'm not sure if that was intended.

Indeed it is tough out there. I'm 50, look around 38 and have been single for around 4 years.

It's not that I have given up it is just that I enjoy my own company, my friends etc.

I’m 50 now and the second guy I’ve ever fallen in love with cheated on me after 3 yrs together so I found myself single at 41. I was basically single for about 12 yrs before I met him (with some awful dates in between). Then I met my ex who turned out to be a prick but like an idiot I stayed with him for years cause I didn’t think I would find anyone better. Now I’m old and have given up.

I wish I was mid 30s I still had hope back then lol. You still have time just be mindful not to waste it on someone, when you see red flags or aren’t feeling it move on.

I have recently reflected that all the men in my life (bar grandparents) have been abusive in some way towards me. My father and then 3 relationships. I feel hopeless about meeting a decent man. Even the nice ones turn out to be dicks it just takes longer to notice

Honestly, I can think of only one decent man who has stood the test of time as non-harmful/egotistical/a dick. It's not like I know loads of awful, abusive men. Just every single one of them has some issue, usually relating to power/toxic masculinity.

Almost all are arrogant on an unimagined scale, ugly men demanding attractive women, mansplaining, etc
Once you see it, you can't unseen it everywhere...
So how can I have a relationship with a decent man when so few seem to exist? Lower my standards?

Maybe stay single? I'm long term single and apart from the odd moment I actually enjoy it

If you miss sex there are always willing men out there to fulfill that need.

I feel like this atm, I'm 46 and have been in a long distance relationship for 2.5 years. He's a lovely man, much older, very charming. He's been promising a life together for the last 2 years with him moving closer but he's always had an excuse for it not happening. I ended it a week ago because I don't believe it will ever happen. It's very hard as I love him dearly. Ive not heard from him since as I told him not to contact me. Secretly I'm devastated. I struggle to meet people. I don't find people attractive until I've gotten to know them and that usually takes some time

I've met several really good nice ones and rejected them because I wasn't ready to settle down. I have a slight feeling of regret about it but I know it was the right thing at the time. I do believe there are good men out there but they are few and far between and you have to be very discerning. I'm 36 and will soon be single again. I've decided to focus on living my life to the fullest as a single person. If/when I meet someone great I certainly won't be putting all my eggs in their basket so to speak. I've made that mistake too many times. Maybe that's cynical and I've become untrusting and unromantic with old age but it feels healthier to centre yourself and allow men to be peripheral cherries on top. That's the approach I'm experimenting with anyway!

I don't have the answer because I've been single for years.

Definitely do not lower your standards.

Most men can be knobs let’s face it. But then again so can most people men and women. I think us women have been sold a lie of the fairy tale and that we can have it all when in reality we’re all just as flawed as each other. If you’re not perfect yourself you can’t expect anyone else to be.

It’s not really lowering your expectations just realising that expectations are mostly unrealistic and just finding someone you connect with is the most important thing.

Nothing wrong with being single. I wouldn't recommend knowingly settling for an unsatisfactory bloke just for the sake of being in a relationship.

Wait for a guy you feel you can trust and are excited to be with. Consider going it alone if you have to if you want children.

It's hard not easy but there are good mans out there just live ur life and enjoy and u will find someone in the journey..

Definitely don't lower your standards. It's them being too low that led to you accepting shit in the first place.

A good friend once told me, most men are dicks. Some are more obvious, others start to show their true colours once they think you're hooked.

I decided that if a man did anything to piss me off on the first 6 months then they'd be out. Most never made it past 2 weeks. DH however, still hasn't pissed me off after 8 years, bless him.

Good'uns do exist but like a sale at Tk Maxx you've got to sift through a lot of shit to find them.