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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do I stay?

3 replies

Bettsy123 · 05/07/2021 21:47

Help a girl out 😩

I've known the guy I've been seeing for a few years. When we met we both hadn't long come out of pretty horrific breakups (both exes had cheated on us, kids involved etc). We started talking back then etc and neither of us were in a good place for anything between us to start but we both really liked eachother.

Fast forward to now. Weve always kept loosely in touch (we have mutual circles). He reached out and apologised for how it went last time and that he wasnt in a great place back then etc. We talked through it and decided to see where it goes. Weve been seeing eachother for around 5 months, but it's been inconsistent, were both really busy and have children. I've been left feeling like he isnt in a place to have a relationship (which is what I'm looking for).

Shortly after we reconnected he has been through big trauma and currently in really hard place mentally and circumstantially. I genuinely care about him and have never felt the way I do for him for anyone else. I'm at a point in my life where I'd like a relationship, I'm ready.

The thought of him not being in my life upsets me deeply but I'm really struggling with the cold shoulder and I just dont know how to help him. As selfish as it sounds I'm scared of staying in it if in the future he walks away and I'm heartbroken. I've known him before this and I know this isnt him, were so good together.

I don't want to stay and it ruin us both, but I dont want to leave either.

OP posts:
bluebell34567 · 05/07/2021 21:50

very hard circumstances so dont see much chance.

Justmuddlingalong · 05/07/2021 21:53

Sounds like a friendship would be better. It leaves you open to dating others and having a more fulfilling relationship in the future.

seensome · 06/07/2021 13:00

It's not fair on you to wait for him to be ready and start being consistent, have a chat about your needs, if he can't step up then it's probably best to just be friends and look for someone else.
He won't want to lose you if he thinks you're right for him.

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