I dread pregnancy ( hubby wants a 2nd kid but not me )

[gg12346]

I am diabetic and I had a very bad preg duriing my first born .I really dread it again .But hubby blames me for not providing son a sibling due to shear laziness .Yesterday he lost his cool and accused me of what not my sugars are to be kept within ranges before I start any preg .Morever my son had ASD and I really fear by 2nd one would have it .If I no longer want to have any more children .Am I to be blamed ?

Hardly. He sounds a right charmer, I can quite see why you dont want to have another child esp with him.

It's completely fine not to want another child. You dont need a "good" reason, or any reason at all.

OP,

He sounds nasty and abusive.

Please contact Woman's aid for support.

Do NOT have another child with this pig.

Diabetes makes pregnancy very tough.

How does he treat you generally?
Is he kind, loving, respectful?
Does he do his share in the home?
Does he share all money?
Does he do his share of childcare?

Your “D”H sounds disgusting and even if pregnancy wasn’t risky, why would you want another DC with this man?

It’s your body and if you don’t want to be be pregnant again then you don’t have to. Whether he likes it or not. He sounds awful though.

It's your body. You will have nine months of being pregnant, about and BF.

He can fuck off.

Also, it's the sperm that's decisive for what the sex of the baby is, so he's had his chance and blown it.

Tell him to fuck off

Jesus - I'd not even be sleeping with him ever again if that's his attitude let alone have another child with him

We wanted two children. I had a tough pregnancy with DS. DH has told me the ball is firmly in my court when it comes to another. He'd like one but there's no way he's going to expect me to go through all that again unless I want to. I'm sorry your husband is so unreasonable. None of this is your fault.

I had a difficult pregnancy and birth, and I decided soon after DD was born that I wouldn't have any more. DH kept saying he wanted a boy and that I was lazy for not trying again. No, I was listening to my body, and the doctors couldn't assure me that it wouldn't happen again. I nearly died ffs. I said, whose body is it? Who will have to carry it and risk dying again? What would happen if The Worst Happened and he was left with 1/2 kids to bring up alone? He shut up then. Occasionally he'd bring it up and I'd say, be fucking grateful for the child you have. More recently he's stopped, but I am in my mid-40s and as far as I'm concerned that ship sailed long ago.

Men are so selfish.

Jesus, you’re not his frickin’ broad mare. How dare he treat you like that? Don’t have any more children if you don’t want to, if he tries to bully you into it, you need to consider leaving him. You can’t be happy with someone who doesn’t respect you.

*broodmare - bloody auto carrot!

@PiccalilliChilli

What a pig.

Do you really have to stay?

I have stayed because other than that he's a decent husband.

Some men just see things from their POV, like, oh, I want a son and I'll never have one, not, oh, maybe we should not have anymore.

DD is very much like her Dad in many ways. He has nothing to complain about.

It's the same answer no matter which party in a partnership doesn't want the child - the one who doesn't want a child gets the final say. What matters is for both people to be absolutely open and honest about it.

My last pregnancy was hideous, five months of feeling incredibly sick followed by four months of being sick nearly all night. I would never have had another child after that experience. He really doesn't get much of a say when pregnancy is so difficult and with diabetes its far worse.

It's your body. You're not a baby making machine. If you don't want another baby for any reason, don't have one!

That's true but when you see around all your frds having 2 kids it feels awful as well that you can give your child a sibling. I feel the same but I just cant get over the fear of my first preg and then i have diabetes and i am going to be 40 soon .my Dh is very concerned father and he feels that when er are dead my little one should not be left alone in this world.i have asked him to consider adoption but he has 2 minds about it .

Following. I'm not diabetic but other than that in a similar position. It's horrible being pressured into it

I think you're absolutely doing the right thing. In your shoes I think I would feel the same. Just one comment on the issue of only children. Please don't feel any pressure or guilt about not having a second. Having a sibling doesn't guarantee anything (can give several examples of siblings who no longer talk / who lives thousands of miles from each other and barely know each other anymore). Also, you're thinking of them as children when forecasting how they will cope when you die. But by then they will hopefully be adults, with their own partners / friends / children and even grandchildren. Most people rely more on their OH / friends more when it comes to dealing with such things.

Do not have another child if you don´t want to. It is a big risk in your case and it is something you should only do if you are totally on board with it, and because YOU want it. I have an only child and she is great, plenty of friends and when she grows up she will have her own family and relationships. I am very close to my brother, boyfriends of mine hated their respective brothers and would have given anything to be only kids. Do not let anyone

He sounds like a bully.

You are the one who would have to carry the child and give birth, as a diabetic it is far more tricky.

Nobody can predict the sex of the child they conceive.

Honestly, this is 2021, it's about time his attitude changed.

@gg12346

That's true but when you see around all your frds having 2 kids it feels awful as well that you can give your child a sibling. I feel the same but I just cant get over the fear of my first preg and then i have diabetes and i am going to be 40 soon .my Dh is very concerned father and he feels that when er are dead my little one should not be left alone in this world.i have asked him to consider adoption but he has 2 minds about it .

I don't blame you one bit and you do not have to give your child a sibling. You have a baby because you want one and are happy about it.

There are plenty of 'only' children around who grow up quite well and are happy. Your daughter won't automatically be lonely without siblings, she will hopefully have friends and a good social life. She'll probably have children of her own one day.

As for adoption, that is no easy option. Many really good people are turned down by those who select adoptive parents. What is more, adoptions don't always work out as everyone hoped.

The priority here is you and your health. Don't risk it.

As someone who was adopted as a child, a man who thinks how your partner does and speaks to his partner the way he speaks to you is not a suitable candidate to adopt. Because he's an emotionally unequipped bully lacking in empathy and patience. Aka a wanker.

You should be reassessing your relationship not considering having another child with him by adopting.

He doesn't have a god given right to more children, nobody does especially if it's not in the best interest of a child, for example putting them in a household with someone like him.!

This is your decision.

Do not be bullied by him.

He sounds so nasty.

Good father my arse.