How do I put my big girl pants on?

[everyonebutme]

Having to go to a lunch with ExH and the OW (now married) and my adult child. How do you cope?

What's this lunch for? It must be for something important to put yourself in a situation like that.

Do you really have to go? If you feel you have to then, be confident, smile, be positive about your life and that everything is going for the better.

Have you done social stuff with them before? If not why now?

Um why do you need to go? Your joint child’s birthday?

Recognise your need to be far far away from them. This can be achieved to various degrees, either physically (by not going or not being near them if you have to go) or psychologically, by keeping any conversation with them very surfacey and not engaging and significant part of yourself in the interaction.

Be boundaried, in short.

As the child who used to be in this situation (before my parents decided 20 years after separation they can no longer be civil) thank you for being able to do this! It means so much to me that I could have both my parents and my stepdad at my wedding.

My advice would be to think about the bigger picture, be polite and make small talk if necessary, and think of the large glass of wine you can drink when you get home!

It's a graduation so yes I'm going. I don't really know why she has to go too tbh. He was a teenager when his dad went off with her so she's not really had a big part of his life growing up. Thanks @seensome - that's what I've got to do but it's making me very anxious.

I guess he wants her there op. I think you need to try to just remember that it’s about hour child and celebrating their achievement and not about your relationship. It’s good they have a good relationship. For your child. It’s good.

Be comfortable in your own skin. Don't try to be someone you are not. Remember how much your DS loves you and wants you to be there. Be proud of your DS's achievement, that you enabled.
Enjoy it.

You need the Mecca of "meh". Take a friend with you to shop for an outfit you feel great in - its not a competition, you just want to feel confident and happy in yourself. This is about your son's success and nothing else. Well done for agreeing and not causing a big hoo -ha. I've done this sort of thing a couple of times in your position and actually I get on better with the OW than him as he can't look me in the eye and can't bring himself to do anything that might suggest I'm not the devil incarnate he "had" to leave. Be happy, small chit chat only, no reference to anything personal, financial or the past. As for yourself - if it helps, remember SHE is now married to a lying cheat, whilst you are not.

I bumped into the OW over lockdown. Exh and I split up 9 years ago but he'd always kept us well apart. I went into Sainsburys and there she was walking around with my daughter!

My daughter ran over to me, OW followed and we had a perfectly pleasant chat. She's a nice enough woman and my daughter likes her.

My point being, it might not be that bad... i wouldn't choose to spend time with her but, should our paths cross in a similar way to yours (my son is graduating next year) I would be content to spend a few hours with her for my son's benefit.

Youre awesome. You're the mum. Be the bigger person.