I'm scared of DH

[AFrost]

I've felt like this for a while now but I always put it to the back of my mind and tell myself I'm being stupid.

It's his temper, he just goes nuts over the smallest thing but when he loses it he really goes mad.

A couple of weeks ago for instance one of those Indian call centres phoned us about something daft. This sets him off at the best of times so he just said he wasn't interested and replaced the handset. Anyway, a few minutes later they rang back and he went absolutely crazy, started shouting and balling at them down the phone, threatened them then slammed the phone down so hard that it broke, he then got annoyed at that and flung it across the room. I was sat snuggled up to him at the time on the sofa so it's not even as if they caught us in the middle of a row or anything, it was a lovely, peaceful atmosphere. I was so frightened by it that I didn't move and just made out that I hadn't noticed, he later asked me what was wrong and I realised I darnt be honest with him.

He kicked off again today and almost beat someone up. He was in such a rage I just kept out of his way but I was sure that if I pissed him off at that point he would've gone for me.

He's never hit me or even threatened me so I feel unjustified in being frightened of him but this can't go on surely?

I've told him before that his temper scares me and he just laughs, says I'm soft as shit and hugs me telling me not to be daft. I then feel guilty for thinking badly of him.

I think you should try explaining that when he's angry it scares you, and that maybe he could look into anger management? if you really are frightened that's an awful way to live you life. Perhaps you could try discussing it in a public place if that would make you feel safer?

I'm not sure what to say but I didn't want this to disappear off active convos unanswered. It sounds like he has a serious temper problem. Is he very stressed at the moment? I'm not sure where you should get help from but he really needs it.

Oh poor you

I would suggest a look at the womens aid website, a DH who scares you is a Bad Thing and you need to take advice from the experts (abuse doesn't need to be physical- being scared can be enough)

Why si he reacting like this? My dh has depression and gets like this, is there a chance it culd be that?

"He's never hit me or even threatened me so I feel unjustified in being frightened"

Someone doesn't have to hit you for you to be scared of them.

If you don't tell him right now that you will not tolerate this behaviour from him it will only get worse.

for you at him

Anger management is what he needs. My DH too gets angry and rude to people at times and it really embarasses me and makes me feel uncomfortable.

Is your DH under a considerable amount of stress lately? This could be the reason for his actions although no excuse for his outbursts.

Peachy - just wondering why depression would cause someone to behave this way??

Depression can result in anger which is often directed at those closest to the individual and whom the sufferer feels safest with- with my DH, its one of the first signs that he's having a relapse (he has had it for many years although it is controlled at the moment)

My eprsonal belief is that there is also an underlying stress level with depression that is mre easily heightened by minor stressors

Yeah I agree totally peachy- just wanted to hear your take on it.

Sadly I am becoming a bit opf an expert on living with a depressive aprtner- BUT he's well worth it (and the prozac is proving a wonderful gift!)

"My prsonal belief is that there is also an underlying stress level with depression that is mre easily heightened by minor stressors" Totally agree Peachy - though I raised this on a stress management course at work recently to raised eyebrows from the facilitator.

I have suffered from depression and that is exactly how I feel when depressed. Minor stresses either made me feel lethargic and curlupunderaduvetish, or more stressed than I should have been.

Its the whole jug analogy isn;t it- quite well known- how much water in yur jug (water = pre-existing stress) is present affects how much mroe you can take before you overflow- not a genius thing to work out!

Sorry AFrost. Didn't mean to completely ignore your post.

Is there any chance that your dh is sitting on depression, but trying to ignore it? Such outbursts would be a symptom of such.

It is hard to know when to raise it with him, but look out for other symptoms of depression too, and see if you can get him to talk to his GP if it is a possibility.