Hello,
This is long and complex I will do my best to summarise .
I am 32. I hadn't seen my grandparents since I was 5 years old, despite them living close they had a fall out with my parents and my parents stopped contact. My grandfather had been quite physically abusive a " hands on" man to my dad regularly beating him with a belt whilst growing up.
6 years ago my dad passed away and when asked whilst he was dying if he wanted to see his parents he said yes .. so I saw them after all those years it was very emotional as you can imagine being 26 and the last time I had saw them I was 5! I had longed for this day.
There was no nastiness around his death they were so happy to be reunited with me . We vowed to stay in touch and we had a meal one year on after his anniversary. I got a lot of stick from my mother for seeing them ( she hates them but she is also incredibly controlling and her and my dad has the most hostile relationship- my childhood was awful tbh) . It seemed like I had caused a lot of hassle by seeing them and my mother would keep saying to be careful they are not nice people .
They seem nice enough to me albeit grandfather a little controlling with grandmother . They are now in their 80's they write to me keep in touch with cards , I don't want them to have my phone number as they phone me a lot and I find it quite difficult to have a relationship with them after all these years .I have a 2 year old and a baby on the way. They have met toddler once as my partner took him round to their house ( I couldn't face seeing them), they sent me a lovely card to congratulate me on expecting new baby.
I don't fully know what it is that's stopping me reconnecting properly . I seemed to have developed a fear of going to see them and I think this is down to the following :
- sadness at seeing them old and knowing I missed out on 25 years of them
- anxious at mother's reaction and her saying to me " be careful " and " I want want to see them" etc so then it's awkward for example I couldn't invite them to child's birthday party - my mother makes it all about her
- the other reason is perhaps I don't no if they are fully decent - I know they weren't the best parents to my father and during many fall outs growing up they would cut him off family pics .
It's all such a mess and if you have got this far I thank you. I would appreciate input from anyone really in particular if you have reunited after many years and not been able to commit ?
Thank you for reading