Are your family and in laws close?

[Winein2022]

When I say your family I mean parents, siblings etc, your ‘side’

Me and DH are due to welcome our first DC this Autumn and we’re so excited.

However something that crossed my mind is that our families don’t mix a lot? They’ve met briefly and that’s fine. They’re quite different but yeah they don’t mix too much and I haven’t mixed them mainly as my mother is quite judgmental and I love my in laws so don’t want my mother being mean to them

My DH doesn’t enjoy my mother too much due to her negative nature..

All of this is sending me into a mini overdrive - am I overthinking here? Mainly because the baby will be part of both families I feel the need for them to mix but is it just something my head is blowing out of proportion?

Not at all. Our parents and siblings have met no more 3 times in 28 years, wedding and 2 christenings

Thats mainly down to living 200 miles apart

and the last christening was 12 years ago

My family get on better with my in laws than I do! We have quite a warm, welcoming family. It’s only stuff like birthday parties, and when they both happen to be at our house though.

I remember my Nanny and Grandma being good friends, it’s nice to have memories of everyone together.

Nope. Mine have only met a handful of times in the 8 years I have been with my partner and they only live 15 minutes from each other.

Not at all. They have each other on Facebook and have interacted for a minute or two if my mum was dropping the grandkids off at MIL's but that's about it. I don't think they even had much of a chat at our wedding either.

My mum isn't overly interested as she doesn't like how they treat my husband (mum's Son In Law). He is unfortunately, not the golden child but my mum thinks he's bloody lovely and hears all the stories of how my ILs dote on his sister and basically ignore us/him.

And we all live in a very small area. You're likely to bump into each other at the local shop.

Sorry, first bit didn't post. Mine aren't close at all. Only met a handful of times in almost two decades.

Nope. They've met maybe 2/3 times in the 7 years dh and I have been together. There's never been any reason to bring them all together, we mostly keep our families separate. Not for any particular reason, it's just how it's happened over our relationship.

No. My parents are both dead now but when alive they only met my in laws 2 or 3 times. They had nothing in common. Don't know what my Mum really thought of them but my Dad actively disliked them. My siblings probably wouldn't recognise my ILs if they fell over them ,or vice versa come to that. My children's relationships with my family and my ILs are completely independent of each other. There's no need for the 2 families to be close for my children to have relationships with each "side".

Mine have never met. Potentially will when we have a small wedding after Covid and have a family meal etc, but even that's hard logistics that will take a lot of effort. Both families live opposite ends of the UK, and both work.

My whole family are very close to my sister's in laws - DSis and DBIL are very sociable and have a huge house, so often invite all of both families for meals, parties etc., or did before Covid anyway.

Ours weren’t / aren’t close . They met once before our wedding at the behest of his parents which frankly didn’t go to well as his mother speaks before she engages her brain . Then they met at the wedding and they came to my dads funeral the following year although I don’t think my mum spoke to them . When we had our first child the ILs were always invited to the family / friends birthday party and always turned up about an hour after the invite stated and never ate anything ( odd people) . When dc 1 was about 4 they went NC with me (thank the Lord ) and so never mixed at all after that . Our children are late and early 20s now , FIL died several years ago and I started talking briefly to my MIL early last year mainly to help out DH as she’s a total bloody pain .

Your child can be close to both families without both families being close to each other.

DH and I both come from large families. So we tend to visit each household separately. I think its only recently that they have made the connection about who is related to who. It doesn't help that on my side we have different last names. They just know these people are family and they are close to them all.

Although my 8YO DS still can't work out his cousins on different sides aren't related to each other, although they are both related to him.

I've only met my in laws half a dozen times in the 20 odd years we have bern together.
We live in the South of England and they live in the Highlands. I cant travel very well, but usually fly up every few years. They gave been to us precisely twice. Maybe if we had children they may have come more. We do invite them. They met my Dad once. Mum died before I met DH.

Ds's in laws live the other side if the world. I have met them twice, before DDIL father died. Covid stopped her Mum coming in 2020. God knows when she will come now.

We share a DGD, and I do send photos znd videos, when DGD has been here, and we chat in face time sometimes, DGD lives being able to talk to Grannue and Ouma at the same time .

Ist ex In laws my parents didn't like, but were always polite if they met, second ex In laws had a second home in my DM's home village near Edinburgh, and my parents would take their caravan up and stay with them. They got in better than myself and their son.