Love bombed and yet another relationship ended

[Monsteraobliqua]

Hi all,

Not sure what I'm asking here but just need to talk, I suppose. I'm mid 30s, want a family and partner and have had zero luck for years now.

Thought I might have cracked it and met someone I really liked some months ago.

He said he was in love with me and seriously considering continuing with me despite a big logistical issue coming up as I have to move several hundred miles away and his work is not very easy to move around with.

He stopped saying he loved me some weeks ago. He announced last night (both had had some drinks) that he hadn't really loved me and hadn't really considered a future working around me moving.

I wouldn't mind if he'd decided he couldn't accommodate this move, as it is a big ask but I was completely honest with him from before meeting and said I wanted something long term and might need someone who might have flexibility on location in the future. He said that was no problem and he was extremely keen. I am upset that he had lied about his feelings to just enjoy a finite few months' nice dating and sex with me.

He's also messaged more than once this morning saying he's sorry it ended that way which feels quite arrogant, as though he is underlining it's over (it is, he doesn't need to point it out).

I'm just sad another relationship hasn't worked out, I trusted the wrong guy, and worrying I won't ever meet anyone, and feel quite used and not good enough.

I also accept the move was a big thing to have hanging over a new relationship so there might've been some aspect of him setting out genuinely hoping develop feelings but he said he does this a lot, saying he is in love when he isn't, and has hurt a lot of women doing it. He was really forward on early dates saying how keen he was. I feel stupid just being the latest in a line of women he's lied to and for falling for it.

How do I actually meet someone who really wants me? I won't be dating now until I move.

How long had you been dating when he said he loved you?

He said it properly after about 2 months but had said it a couple of times before in bed

I’m sorry this has happened OP

seriously considering continuing with me despite a big logistical issue coming up

he said he does this a lot, saying he is in love when he isn't, and has hurt a lot of women doing it.

These right here were the red flags.

A little while after I met now DH, he moved abroad for 2 years. I wasn’t going to drop my career to go with him.

The conversations were all around how we were going to make it work. Nothing about whether he’d grace me with his continued presence in my life. Your ex was basically getting you to do the pick me dance right there.

Move house, get settled then dip your toe in the water again… but when people tell you who they are, listen to them.

D0do thanks so much. I suppose it felt like he was taking it seriously as i will be in the new place several years and don't really want to do long distance for more than, say, a year. But yes, now you put it like that, it's clear he was just never interested in making it work.

It ended horribly, I walked off late at night when he admitted he hadn't really meant he loved me. I've been a bit snippy in the few text replies I've sent (not rude). Kind of tempted to send a similar 'sorry it came to this' message but he's a liar so what's the point

I'd message. He's a cheeky arrogant fuck.

I'd say that I wasnt sorry it had ended this way as you'd seen it coming. You were simply hoping your suspicions that he was indeed an absolute cock were wrong. You feel now though that you can be honest and had someone else all along, with a bigger dick.

Try changing the circles you socialise in? I met my DH kayaking and he is the most genuine, down to earth and compassionate guy. Compared to all the charlatans I'd met in bars. I'm not saying this is fool proof but could be a good place to start.

"I've had time to think and I agree that ending it is clearly for the best too. I also think it's sensible not to stay in touch as there's no need. All the best for the future."

That's how I would reply. He sounds like a right prick and what's worse is he knows it, telling you he tells women he loves them even though he doesn't. Wanker.

Good point about trying to meet people more through hobbies. I won't have much time in my new place but have absolutely had it with OLD

Would you consider solo parenting by choice and using a sperm donor to achieve your desire for a family?

I found dating post my divorce aged 36 to be utterly soul-destroying. I did end up having a two year on and off, volatile relationship with someone but they were at a different life stage and weren't prepared to consider settling down with me.

Aged 39 I had IVF using a sperm donor and was successful on my first try - extremely fortunate - and am now 16 weeks pregnant.

I am now very excited at welcoming NY baby in December. It wasn't my 'life script' ie. meet a partner, get married and have children, but I'm happy that I've not missed out on motherhood simply because I didn't meet the right partner at the right time. I'm looking forward to dating, once I've settled in to motherhood, but I'll be looking for completely different attributes this time round.

Anthurium that is such great news. I would happily consider this but am retraining and am not sure I could manage it financially or in terms of childcare

I love your planty name too!

Monster, I hope you find someone else with similar relationship ideals as yourself.

Thanks Maggie

I have woken up a bit hungover but generally not heartbroken however feeling a bit angry that he got his nice guy messages in so quick about how great I am and he's sorry it ended that way. I feel that I would have liked a proper conversation to end things nicely but it's been done now. Plus keep remembering he's a liar anyway. Urgh. I just feel really used and a bit stupid.