How much harder is raising 2 kids over 1?

[JC2021]

Hi All,

Is raising 2 kids really as difficult as one?

Surely temperament comes into play? As does your and your partners personality?

Why do some parents seem so relaxed and find parenting a breeze - While others suffer with anxiety, depression and generally struggle more?

I think your support system when having kids can determine this outcome. The more support the easier you might find things!

We are heading to remain a one child family. I know it is such a personal choice!!

Can anyone reveal what going from one to 2 kids looked like in your world?

I think your partner's willingness to step up and get stuck in (or not) makes a HUGE difference to a woman's experience of motherhood, as does their own mother's experience of it as you tend to follow their lead, however you try not to sometimes!

Add up all the emotional, physical, financial & relationship stress you're already feeling with the first one, multiply by 2, then add on a large helping of extra guilt because you can't literally cut yourself in half and give each one the same amount of attention.

Then subtract date nights, couple time, privacy, plans for the future, add in the possibility that the siblings might really dislike each other... I could go on, but you get the picture.

I’ve stuck with one, but looking at my friends with two some have kids that play well together & entertain each other which takes the pressure off the parents. But some have kids who do nothing but fight which causes additional stress.

Also consider things like if any second child had additional needs, I have a couple of friends/acquaintances with more than one child where one child has additional needs and that makes life a lot harder.

I’ve found parenting hard - and I have a relatively “easy” child with no additional needs, a supportive DH, supportive family locally, & I’m financially secure so can afford paid childcare etc. Whereas I have friends who have 3 kids and no support and seem to cruise along.

I’m definitely someone who needs time to myself or I start to become anxious and depressed, so to look after my mental health I factor in time to myself, which would be tricky with more kids.

Depends on the children really.

DS was a much better sleeper and far more content baby than DD, so it wasn't that much harder having him than not. Now my DC generally amuse each other very nicely a lot of the time. Obviously there's more housework etc but less having to occupy them so on balance, I don't think my two children are much harder than either one of them would have been.

Small gap between my two dc.
I had a breakdown ten years ago when my second was a few months old.I was completely overwhelmed. I still struggle with my MH although on a brighter note these last three years I've been much better

When they were tiny it was more than double the work.
As they've got older it's been less than double.

5 years between my DC. We had no family support (both family's lived in different country, mine 24 hours away) and I was only ready to try again when dc1 was 3.

I was so much more relaxed with dc2 because I knew what to expect, dc1 was old enough to be a little bit independent, and helpful ❤️

I found dc2 an absolute walk in the park after struggling massively with dc1. I knew I could do it, l knew I didn't need anyone else other than DH.

I moved home when dc2 was 3 and dc2 was 8. It's so amazing having 'support' but I will NEVER forget how amazing DH and I are as a team of 2.

I have a three year gap. It's been extremely challenging. One to two was a massive jump. Our first slept amazingly but I had awful PND and our second literally slept for an hour or two at night until she was 16 months, but no PND, so we were severely exhausted. We also lost her twin as he was stillborn late so it's been an exceptionally difficult journey

I don't believe there is ever an "easy" route to children however many you have .

Thanks so much to everyone being so honest, it's really refreshing to hear from other mums about different experiences xx

You have a little baby to love and a funny toddler to love. Twice the love. It's brilliant. Definitely more tiring but you become much more organised, no choice really. You have to just go with the flow as much as possible and accept a certain amount off chaos.

We have an almost 5 year age gap
Ds1 started school when I started mat leave with ds2
I didn’t find it too hard with a ds2 who was and still is easy but having the gap definitely helped