Would you stay with your husband even though he's a great father?

[GingerbreadHead]

We've been together nearly 15 and have 4 children together who are still pretty young.
He's never been the most romantic or attentive over the years but I really feel like I'm reaching a point where I've just had enough of being treated like just a mate. It feels like he never thinks of me. He wasn't supportive when my Dad died, he never asks me how I'm feeling when I'm ill. I struggle with depression and anxiety, though he doesnt actually know this as he never bothers to ask me how I am or what's wrong. He just makes me feel like I'm an irrational, emotional woman when I'm in 'one of my moods' and ignores me until it's over.
He's excellent with the kids though and does alot with and for them. I can't fault him as a father. He does his best in the house too, though being a SAHM (through choice) I do the majority.

I just don't feel anyone ever pays me the blindest bit of notice. Obviously the young children can't be blamed but I just don't feel like he ever cares about me or thinks about me at all.
Sometimes I feel it would be less lonely if we weren't together anymore.

I wouldn’t stay with someone I didn’t love anymore just because he was a good father. He will still be a good father even when he’s not living with you.

In a way it's easier to split up if you know they are a good father and you can trust them to look after your children when it's their turn?

You need to talk to him properly. I've been in a similar situation and we did work it out. But it took lots of calm talking without blame. I complained DH didn't show me enough affection, but he felt similar. I had a lot of resentment towards him for various things and both of us were so angry at one another, neither of us was willing to be affectionate with the other. We both had to learn to back down.

You also need to work on yourself. What do you do for yourself? Your partner can't be everything to you and you need to build your confidence outside of your role as wife and mother.

It doesn't really sound like he treats you "as a mate". He is not interested in your health and doesn't help you when you are ill or upset. If he was completely not romantic and just treated you as a sister or friend he cared about it would be different, although it's still not the marriage you signed up for, but maybe it's something you could live with.
Have you talked about this with him, maybe he isn't happy either?

You need to talk to him directly. In a non blaming way as it seems you've both drifted apart as often happens with kids, but no reason why you both can't get back on track. How can you not have told him you have anxiety and depression? Be aware that either of these things can make things in your relationship feel worse or hopeless than they actually are. You both need egular time away from your kids.

My ex was just like your dh. He also was a pretty good dad. But I could be bleeding from the mouth and he wouldn’t ask me what was wrong, or if I needed anything and if I went to the a doctor he never followed up afterwards to check on me at all. If I was feeling down about something he would ignore it til I was over it. He also was not affectionate, loving or attentive at all. It was the loneliest relationship I’ve ever been in. It affected my mental and physical health. I even told him I felt lonely in the relationship and he didn’t ask any questions about why I felt that way he just ignored it as usual, very ironic lol 8 years of that and I dumped him.

I’m still single but I feel so much less lonely now. Loneliness in a relationship is the worst.

It was easy for me to leave as we didn’t share any children thankfully. Maybe you can try counseling with your dh, it might help. Otherwise either you will have to get used to it because he won’t change or leave for your mental health.

To be fair on your husband living with someone with depression is really hard