DP and my income

[TreackeD]

I’m in 30s and earn 62k. We live in north west. DP earns around 90 and is likely to stay at that for the foreseeable. In contrast, if I work harder I could get to around 120-150k.

Last night we were chatting and i said I think I’m done with career progression. I like where I am at and I don’t think I want more pressure. This means I could maybe get small pay rises of 2k a year at most, maybe nothing some years.

DP was astonished by this. Said I’m throwing away an opportunity and that why would I work the same number of days for less pay...basically saying I’m still going to be at work so may as well get the higher paid job. He’s said 62k in ten years will seem much less to me than it does now.

What’s strange is he is not money orientated at all. His job is well paid but if it paid much less he would still do the same thing. We don’t have a lavish lifestyle and he isn’t into flashy cars or holidays...he’s quite happy in a basic b&b reading a book for a summer holiday for example!

He said ultimately I do what I want (obviously) but it’s made me second guess myself a bit. Am I throwing opportunity away?! I’m not materialistic really and have been comfortable since earning above 40k.

Your joint income is already huge especially given you don't live in London. I'm certain that the vast majority could live a very very comfortable even luxurious life on what you are earning right now

@Jmaho I think DP’s point is it is wasted opportunity. It’s not finances he’s worried about but sees it as throwing away money for no reason?

IMO if at £62k you are living a balanced, happy life and at £120k you are tired, stressed, probably ill, unhappy and have no time to relax and have fun and all the rest of it then it's a no-brainer .

Depends on the job.

@Chamomileteaplease

IMO if at £62k you are living a balanced, happy life and at £120k you are tired, stressed, probably ill, unhappy and have no time to relax and have fun and all the rest of it then it's a no-brainer .

Depends on the job.

I completely agree. Work life balance is so important. With your salary the life balance is more than affordable but if you up the work side more to earn more then it possibly wont be.

He might be thinking of the future, a few years at 150k, could see you well on to the way to early retirement / quitting a pressured job early, having no mortgage in your 40’s, and doing whatever you like

Agree depends what you mean by 'work harder'. I found that the higher up I got, paradoxically the less hard I had to work and the more control I had over what I did day to day.

It's a no-brainer in my opinion! I earn a lot less than you and love my current work-life balance. I wouldn't want to work longer hours and add more stress if I was already earning 60k+ each year.

You don't mention children - if you are planning on staying child free, then your joint income combined with a moderate lifestyle could enable you to retire much, much earlier than most. That would make me seriously consider sucking up 10 years of working harder (within reason). It depends how much harder/extra stress you would be taking on.

But equally there is nothing wrong at all with choosing a work/life balance that works for you.

My DH went part-time then retired early as his job was difficult due to travel requirements. Once you have enough income to fund your life, including pensions, there's no point being stressed and time-poor. Much better to have good physical & mental health, priceless.

No job pays those sorts of money without stress and earning double what you now earn will not come without more, surely? To be honest salaries of this level are not in my experience and I say that as a hard working successful person with higher degrees from Oxbridge. I guess that's the public sector for you 😀. However, I would base my career progression on what I wanted to do, ease of combining with kids, if that's an issue, and not on money. Perhaps that's why I have, and never will, earn even what you are getting now.

You both already have huge salaries. Why make yourself stressed and unhappy for more? We are completely at the other end of the spectrum - I’m disabled and on highest rates of disability benefits unable to work and dh works full time for £20k. We are happy and dh doesn’t want to work longer hours or push himself for more - our lives are stressful enough with my health needs and our son also has autism. I think you have to look beyond money and work sometimes and think about the bigger picture. I wouldn’t like someone like your dh telling me what to do.

I think it depends on the role and the organisation really doesn’t it. In some cases the step up into a more senior/higher paid role doesn’t necessarily mean a lot more stress/longer hours. My boss earns around £25k more than me and I’m not sure that her role is particularly more stressful than mine, a lot of the extra pay is recognition of skill and experience.

But ultimately, if it’ll mean a more stressful life or a worse work life balance, and you don’t have any that then you’re not unreasonable to stick where you are. You can always reconsider down the line if you change your mind.

That should say ‘and you don’t want that’

I've recently increased my hours and got a payrise... Now I have more money but no time to spend it and the job is a lot more stressful. For me it's a temporary arrangement and the spare cash will see me comfortably through maternity leave but I wouldn't want to live like this all the time. Money isn't everything but it certainly does help... If as others have said you did a couple of years at £150k then could retire mortgage free or take a massive step back it might be worth thinking about but I would put a time limit on it.

I think it really depends on the job. If it is something like law which it sounds like it could be, such that work hardest may mean partnership etc it isn't just work harder, it could be a different way of doing things, and many many people stop having realised partnership is not for them. And that is fine. But that might be because of all the stuff that comes with it. If you are doubting yourself talk to peers and your manager, in most high earning roles they may have a useful perspective to help you decide what you want.

I’d advise to keep your options open. I wasn’t keen to progress further, but where I worked was, with hindsight, up or out. Once the annoying little brats I’d formerly mentored (all men funnily enough) leap frogged over me I left and found something else.

In my current job I’ve had more enjoyment the further up I’ve progressed. But still I don’t want the responsibility of the very top job so I’ve still got my limits!

Maybe you could benefit from some career mentoring?

£150k salaries, especially outside of the south east, are rather thin on the ground

If you’re questioning whether you want it in your early thirties and no children (or at least you don’t mention), then I suspect you may not have the motivation to reach that lev anyway

Sorry you don’t specify early thirties

Depends on the job, industry and role really. I’m on 100k+ now and tbh the hours and stress are no greater than jobs I’ve done in the past at lower salaries. I mean o probably work 70 hours a week but I did that on too at lower paid levels

@FatJan

Agree depends what you mean by 'work harder'. I found that the higher up I got, paradoxically the less hard I had to work and the more control I had over what I did day to day.

I was going to say exactly this. The more I progress the less hours and more control over work load and meeting timings I have.

My responsibilities are bigger though, so at times it can be more stressful.

Personally I'd climb up the ladder, use the extra cash sensibly. Then I could retire early, step down a few rungs, or go part time at a younger age.

But every one and every job is different so what works for me might not work for you.

My DH is happy with his job and salary - he could be more senior and earn more and it frustrates me that he is happy to push me to do this but won't do it himself. However, we are made of different stuff and I am happy doing what I do and do not resent his choices as it would change him as a person to do something he does not want to.
In summary - it's ok to think, "should I go further?" and then it's ok to decide that you don't want to and he needs to accept it and not plan the future based on you earning mega bucks and being desperately unhappy.

What do you both do?

When you say "work harder", what exactly would that entail?
I'm with PP - don't close off your options and keep an open mind.
It's rare that it's a straight "do more hours get more pay" relationship. Higher paid jobs have to be done by someone - why not you? That is not a rhetorical question.
The answer could just be " I need more experience" or "I need to learn specific things". In which case go for it!

It could be "I would have to do xyz.. I have done that in the past and never enjoyed it... all the people doing it are different characters from me". Or, "I would have to be available during weekends and holidays and I don't think that would be what I want right now". In which case you can just say, "I don't feel the role is quite what I'm looking for".

Women quite often seem to get more ambitious in their 40s and I do wonder if there is some bizarre Darwinian thing going on - not having to nurture offspring but wanting to pile up resources to keep you going in your old age so you can help with the grandkids!

I certainly had a "well why SHOULDN'T it be me? I can do that, gi'us a job!" seachange around the time the hot flushes started. The extra focus on work paid off and ten years later I'm retired early.

Talking to male colleagues, a lot say the moment they realised they were going to be fathers they found their heads getting a lot harder, asking about career progression, looking for opportunities etc.

I think DP’s point is it is wasted opportunity. It’s not finances he’s worried about but sees it as throwing away money for no reason?

It’s not for no reason though, you’ve told him your reason. He just doesn’t think it’s a good enough reason.