He is undermining my ambitions

[whatisitwithmen]

After having been a stay at home mum for 5 years (kids are 2 and 5) I am desperate to feed my brain a bit so I slowly but surely gain confidence to work again. I recently learned about a 2 day seminar in Paris which I would like to attend but when I told my partner about it he got angry and stated clearly that he wouldn't look after the kids to make it possible. I should take the kids with me or ask my mother (who lives in a different country) but he wouldn't cooperate. The 2 days wouldn't interfere with his work so I'm not asking for any sacrifices. He is just finding it "anti-family" and "exuberant" to go to Paris for a seminar.
Whenever I talk about my ambitions he says he would support me but in actual fact he never has. He has let me down many times in the past or made it so difficult that in the end I lost any enthusiasm.

Has anyone got any advice?

I would go anyway

Just say you are popping out, phone him 10 mins after and tell him your on your way to Paris so he has to look after the kids

He is being selfish and totally unreasonable, but you already know this.
Why shouldn't you go away for 2 days anywhere and do what ever you want if it doesn't interfere with his work. They are his kids too.

As for 'anti-family' Has he always held views like this?

Is it the money he's worried about?
Wtf is wrong with being exuberant?
Could you tell him it is an investment in your future career?
Why is he being mardy, is he stressed in some way?

sounds like he dosn't really want you to go back to work - or is this thing more about self-esteem/not job related? it does sound quite extreme - a 2 day seminar in paris. Does he think it's an indulgence? is he jealous? IS it a bit overindulgent? Given his frame of mind, could you start with something a bit less ambitious, like some evening classes?

The seminar is free, I could stay at a (female) friends house and I would pay for the train fare myself. I wouldn't ask him for a penny. So it's not the money. I think he thinks it's a waste of time because it is not making any money and whenever I have used the argument in the past that something is an investment in a future career he just switches off.
I was hoping someone can explain this reaction to me because I really don't understand it.

I think he's got the sexist view that you should be at home with the kids waiting for him whilst he goes out and about and lives his life.

Can you get him to tell you what he means by it being "anti-family" you going away? Does he ever go away for work? Does he think that is "anti-family"? I'm kind of assuming that he won't want to talk about it though, because people when they are being irrational and unreasonable don't usually like having it pointed out.

But it IS an investment in your future career. It's difficult to get back into work after being an SAHM without some sort of investment, whether of time, money, or training. Does he expect you to remain an SAHM forever? Have you ever sat down and discussed all this? Is he afraid that you will start making childcare/domestic demands on him if you go back to work - ie rock his boat? Sounds like you have a lot to talk about. But in the meantime, book the seminar. They are his children too. He can look after them for one weekend.

Op - my DH is exactly the same - he is quite happy for me to remain a SAHM to our 2yo and 5 yo, I however want to start thinking about a career for myself.

I have looked after our kids full-time for 5 years now so I think I am entitled to think about training for a career- I am starting nursing soon.

Can I ask why you have to go to Paris for a seminar? Sorry just being nosy you don't have to answer that .