Good evening all, so not to drip feed I'll try and give as much information as possible. Occasional poster and long time lurker. Hope this doesn't go on too long!
I'm a mum to a 16 year old boy who was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome when he was 4. Always been in mainstream and pretty high functioning but does suffer with anxiety and major confidence issues. Married to his dad until he was 2.5 and then remarried when he was 6.
There's always been an element of shall we say attention seeking / competition between DP and DS for my attention/time but that was mostly when DS was younger. DP has two sons who are now in their 20s but were 11 and 13 when we met.
My DP has an awful temper and I believe undiagnosed OCD around cleaning the house. He doesn't have much patience and certainly not very understanding of teens in general, never mind with ASD. DP will come in from work and immediately get the hoover out. This is before he's taken his coat off. In times gone by when I've hoovered ,he would still come home and re-hoover so now I don't bother. DS will for eg make his own lunch and wash up but the dry pots will be on the drainer, DP will crash and bang the said pots back in the cupboard whilst f ing and jeffing. If the kitchen bin hasn't been emptied again, this is done loudly and will bang the bin around.
My main issue is is DPs attitude towards DS. In a nutshell DS can't do anything right. If DS is in the lounge then he's led wrong on the sofa or the TV remote may be on the floor or he's left an empty glass on the coffee table etc. It's like because DS doesn't give us any real cause for concern behaviour wise, DP is looking for an "excuse" to get at DS. This isn't doing DS' anxiety any great favours and DS has disclosed to a family liaison officer who he's doing some work around confidence issues, that he prefers to stay in his room when DP is at home.
Just what do I do? Our marriage isn't in a great state tbh and we've not been intimate for coming up 2 years. It's almost like we coexist in the same house but without any real arguments, we just potter long without raising the elephant in the room. I suffering with a long term health condition that affects my ability to work full time so I work 2 long shifts a week and therefore my income isn't amazing.
I just know I can't sit back and see my son be treated in this way. I don't want him sat upstairs out of the way. I feel like I'm totally stuck here and lie in bed imagining a life where DP doesn't feature.