Husband constantly on his phone and chatting with his family.. I felt like non-existent.

[Pianoanddrum]

My husband of 18 years has been addicted to his phone for a very long time, it was PC game before smart phone.
If he is awake, he is on his phone. When he goes to bed, he has his phone right next to him and earphones on, and he fell in sleep with watching tv on the phone … every single night.

For the last 3 -4 years, since he and his family started a WhatsApp group, he is literally chatting with them all day long.
His family is not in UK, and I understand it's important they keep in touch. But the thing is, their communication has over dominant his life. We have two school age children, he has a full time job. Any free moment we have, we as a couple never get to spend time together, because he is ALWAYS on his phone.

His parents were retried long time ago, he has two sisters (one is divorced and sharing custody with the ex one school age kid, another one is married with no kids). So it's fair to say, his family has quite a lot of free time to spend and it seems they don't have any other friends they can talk to. So naturally since they started this WhatsApp - it's become their only and main social channel.

So very often, when I tried to talk to him, he is preoccupied because he is chatting on the WhatsApp. I think it's very rude when others are talking to you but you couldn't be bothered to put the phone down.

If he is not chatting with them, he is browsing internet and plays PC game. If I don't talk to him, he will never come to me and say anything or want to do anything together.

Tonight we were watching football together, I thought it would be nice for us to enjoy the game together. But no, when I was talking to him, he was busy chatting with his family again. I mean, it's not like some of his family member is dying or having a crisis, most of the stuff they talk about are just politics, news, sport games! They are chatting every day non stop and I, as his wife, can't have one minute of his full attention!

Anyway, I felt I married to someone that is never here. I am very hurtful and have brought up this issue many times but he never changes.

I certainly don't want to live the rest of my life like this. But I don't think he is gonna change.

Very frustrated and sad. To think I gave up my own career to support his work when his work needed us to move... and this is how he treats me..

Sorry for the long rant. Any advice?

Mine is like this. But he talks instead. Hour long phone calls. Maybe 2 a night. Sometimes longer. It pisses me off, but I’ve sort of made my peace with it.

Dd has a go at him about it. I just tell him he likes the sound of his own voice. He has 4 siblings. 3 of them live less than 20 minutes away🙄

I think he’s just a taller. But it can dominate everything. I just go and stand in front of him now if l want to speak and don’t go away. Some nights l can’t speak to him.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

Mine is like this. But he talks instead. Hour long phone calls. Maybe 2 a night. Sometimes longer. It pisses me off, but I’ve sort of made my peace with it.

Dd has a go at him about it. I just tell him he likes the sound of his own voice. He has 4 siblings. 3 of them live less than 20 minutes away🙄

I think he’s just a taller. But it can dominate everything. I just go and stand in front of him now if l want to speak and don’t go away. Some nights l can’t speak to him.

Good to know I am not the only one facing this. But it's just not right, is it? I want to make peace with it but it's very hard, to think as a married couple I can't even have a few minutes of his undivided attention?

Also it's been a bad influence for kids. Don't want them to grow up thinking this is how a relationship works

Someone who never wants to talk to you but is constantly talking to others has checked out of the relationship unfortunately. This is a really unkind way to treat the person you are supposed to be the closest to. If his relatives are so bloody fascinating I would suggest he goes and moves in with them. They can cook his meals and wash his pants aswell. I would be employing the services of a good divorce lawyer and disentangling myself from this selfish, boring man. It sounds as if he brings absolutely nothing to family life other than a wage.

@Pianoanddrum I think that you deserve to be treated better than this. You are right that this is not a good example to your children of what a relationship should be.

You’ve been married a long time. Do you think this is something that could be worked on and resolved? Or do you feel like this is the end of your marriage?

That's no way to live OP. I'd be telling him I needed change (whether that's directly or through couples therapy), and if he didn't or couldn't, live alone. Ironically I bet it'll be less lonely than your life now.

I have the same issue. He’s my high school sweetheart but he has 2 sisters and a mum and dad and one sister is divorced and the other hates her husband so they’re all constantly texting or calling. When I mean constant it’s from morning till night! before I’ve woken up and after I’ve gone sleep and through out the day. He doesn’t see it but it’s so hard because I find it really weird. So do my friends. I have 2 bothers and mum and dad and we WhatsApp now and then but does it need to be all day? We have 2 school age children and we don’t really have that much time together. It’s manic as it is. He’s obsessed with his phone always has been and I don’t know if it’s an issue with me or is this acceptable behaviour??? Is this a normal marriage?
oh and the defensiveness is unreal! He turns it on me and starts saying im controlling.. he makes me feel like poo actually. To be honest I’d rather him move back home becuase they’re all there anyway and he can get his mum to cook and clean for him. But I don’t know if it’s worth my leaving him and breaking our family over it? He won’t change. His head is forced down looking on his phone.

Also to add he has 5 different WhatsApp groups with them and he’s talking to them on all of them 🙈 I mean what do you do with that. Can someone tell me it’s an issue with me or if it’s unacceptable because I honestly don’t know.

Look up family enmeshment. There's no cure other than leaving