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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Broke up with my boyfriend of 8 years! Regret?

1 reply

Olivia1987 · 02/07/2021 20:53

I split up with my boyfriend of 8 years. We have an almost 3 year old son together.

He has been so awful to me. I’ve posted about it before. He’s been so horrible at times. Lazy, unappreciative, selfish, unsupportive, unapologetic, rude etc.

I have tried so hard for over a year to make this relationship work for our family but I can’t take it anymore.

I have been talking to a friend who has been amazing so supportive and genuine. Problem is he is a friend of my ex boyfriend and works with him.

He has been there for me for so long and I am really attracted to him not because of his looks but because of the person he is and how he speaks to me.

I feel so torn. I can’t take being treated like a maid anymore but he’s the father of my child. I’m not young. We have different needs and wants. I want to get married he doesn’t. I think I want another child he doesn’t.

I don’t want to sound like an awful person but what the hell do I do! I want to be happy. On my own and in a relationship. I’m neither with me ex but now he’s trying so hard. I miss him in a weird way. He’s all I’ve known for 8 years. He just doesn’t appreciate me or help me. I haven’t had a lie in since our son was born. I’ve literally done it all. I feel like that’s my fault though. I did everything because I was scared he was going to leave me and I was depressed and tried and scared with a new baby.

Am I being a massive twat thinking I could be happy with someone else? Someone who is a friend of ours? I feel so alone. I don’t want to burden people with my thoughts.

It’s such a mess. I just want my son to be happy (he’s very happy all the time both of us are part of that) he’s the most important person in my life!! I don’t ever want to see him upset. Note my ex isn’t a bad father! He is amazing once he has got out of bed!

How do you do this? How does it work? What happens next? Help!

OP posts:
RamItBunty · 02/07/2021 21:17

You’ve emerged emotionally battered from a dysfunctional relationship
Don’t confuse kindness for a new potential partner
You need time to figure things out,not jump straight into a relationship with a man who’s kind to you
It’s been such a log time since a man has been kind or attentive and I bet it feels amazing.
Take some time. Recover. Plan how you deal with the 3yo asking where is daddy? The fall out of the relationship
Do some soul searching how did this all unfold?that your boyfriend became so unkind etc. How can you build resilience and never again be in a relationship with a cruel man
For now, Park any romantic day dreams concentrate on yourself And Your son
I wish you and son well going forward

Ps. Make sure the dad pays maintenance for his son

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