Passive toddler not standing up for himself

[JC2021]

Can anyone help with this!

My boy turns 3 in October- if we go to the park he wants to play with other children's toys, he shares his toys very well..

he can be feisty and loud around me and my husband but around other kids he is passive and will hand over toys or his toy and not say or do anything if another child snatched it..

I started to say to him 'it's ok it's your turn, you play with it' - this might be common sense to some but I'm struggling to know what to do/say!!

He just stands there and I get so annoyed inside I want him to stick up for himself, even younger kids might come along and grab something out of his hand - he looks confused but hardly reacts

He isn't at nursery and starts in September - perhaps he will begin to learn then, I hope!!

Also, side note but if he is playing with something and a child approaches to play with it too - he will literally run away..??? I have started firmly telling him to take his turn and not run..? It's worked a few times!

I guess covid hasn't helped as he literally hasn't socialised much at all

Help! Confused mama here.. thanks

You're expecting waaaaaaay too much from a 2 year old.

is he happy in these situations?

I think he’ll start to feel more confident once he starts nursery. As you say Covid has got in the way of socialising so it’s hard to practise being assertive regularly - and for some it does take practise. I wouldn’t worry.

He’ll learn the ropes at nursery , sounds like every toddler for themselves there based on what my dc feedback!

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba no I wouldn't say he looks massively happy in these situations - also seems to dislike unstructured play like soft play centres - he doesn't go off and play. Doesn't know how..? Perhaps I'm expecting too much too soon

My ds was like this. He’s 27 now! And he was a wonderful easy going child and adult. Really relaxing company. It’s not always a bad thing!

@Garbagepailgal haha 😂 thanks hoping so x

My 2 year old is baffled if someone takes something from him. Wouldn’t occur to him to do it back. I don’t see it as a bad thing... he’s 2 🤷🏻‍♀️. I’m sure he’ll stick up for himself as he gets older.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow Lovely to hear - it's bit hard to watch as I can see him being taken advantage of - I know he's very young

Yes, it used to really upset me too. But it panned out into a really chilled laid back and generous individual.

Meanwhile his sister would wack anyone on the head who tried to nick her toys. She grew up into a stress ball…

hmm, if he doesn't like the place or runs away from other kids probably best notvto take him

kids at that age are typically not social creatures. they prefer to play alone, maybe side by side.

also he won't understand the concept of standing up for himself in a way you'd like him to.
I think you are expecting a bit too much/too early from him.
also I wonder if you are projecting a fair amount (maybe your own bad experience with bullying or other negative behaviour from others?)

I'd find other activities for him for now - I think he's not quite ready to interact with peers; certainly not in a level you wishing him too.

but he is not doing anything wrong and nor are you. DS1 was never a join-in kinda guy on the playground.
he'd observe, then wait for others to clear off then use equipment by himself. nothing wrong with that

it's bit hard to watch as I can see him being taken advantage of

Unless the other child is a fair bit older, they don't have the capability to 'take advantage', their brains are not sufficiently developed.

Young children don't fully comprehend the concept of sharing, some don't like to share at all, some will instantly give everything away. Neither is wrong, they're just not yet at that stage.

@Orf1abc thank you for clarifying this..

My DC is like this. I remember it being constantly being drummed into me by my parents to put everyone else first, always consider everyone else, share everything...so much so I ended up a complete and utter doormat, taken complete advantage of repeatedly and thanking people for it. So it was then my complete mission to raise the opposite - someone who grabs all they deserve and pushes themselves to the front.

....But they appear to persist in having their own bloody personality They're shy and naturally deferent despite my constant encouragement to fight it. It breaks my heart worrying about opportunities they could (and have already) miss out on because the pushy, loud and confident kids put themselves out there.

I'll be watching this thread for tips but all I can say is that my DC is happy and is also popular - it's probable that most friend groups/ work teams/ classes etc need the variety of personality types and your DS will find his niche and just make it work for him, like mine has.

@MostTacticalNameChange ah thank you for this - nice to know there are others in similar positions all the best to you