Marriage issues/strong feelings for someone else - the end?

[Piccolina2]

Namechanged. Can’t really believe I’m typing this in some ways…would really appreciate advice and thoughts.

Been with DH over 20 years. 4 lovely kids. Generally, we’ve been quite solid - a few ups and downs, possibly more than our fair share of stress with extended family…but until recently, I would have said we were generally happy.

However, about 18 months ago I developed strong feelings for a male friend. Off the scale chemistry, big mutual attraction, felt ‘seen’ blah blah. Nothing can or would happen - he is married also. We are not having an affair and have no intentions of having one.

I’m old enough and wise enough not to harbour silly fantasies about running off with someone else - and as I said, that would never ever happen. I don’t even know if the other man feels as strongly as I do tbh, I just know he finds me attractive.

However, since this happened I am feeling increasingly unhappy with DH and our marriage. I’m not comparing him to anyone else, if anything the other man thing is context - but it feels like it’s shone a light on any existing issues between DH and me. I know I need to limit seeing the other man socially so I can fully focus on DH and our marriage and stop how it’s messing with my head. I will do that…but I just feel unhappy and like I’m questioning everything as a result of my own feelings, if that makes sense. Anyone been here and come back fro it?

Come back ‘from’ it, that should read!

No, but I,ve known many women who became dissolusioned during their forties (are you early forties ?), someone showed an interest in them and it boosts their confidence.

It honestly seems like the prime time for a women's mid life crisis.

I must admit out of the women that followed their desires and left their, ok not bad marriages but a bit dull, it didn't end too well for the women.
Many didn't end up with the object of their desires and were essentially still single ten years later, still on dating sites and having FWB situations, or having flings with mm.

That may sound like a generalisation but that's been my experience, A confidence boost is one thing but think hard about your losses.

Also your marriage is going to appear dull and unexciting if you are not being emotionally present, of course it will suffer and I'm afraid you are comparing your friend with your husband, how could you not?

At the end of the day it's up to you, if this om was not available and you left your husband would you be happy to be single?

Distance yourself from this man and see if you can reignite your relationship with your husband. Four children, that's quite a family.

I would echo what @Onthedunes has said.