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Original poster

Am I being completely crazy?

42 replies

WhereTheFuck · 01/07/2021 22:26

My H left me and our toddler DD at the beginning of May for the woman I found out he had been having an affair with since before Christmas. I went through a phase of intense grief and shock, just wanting him back etc, but have come out the other side and feel calmer now. One of the delightful things I found out from H when he left was that he had gradually been losing desire for me since our wedding 5 years ago. So that was nice..left me feeling very shaken and pretty shit about myself.

One of the reasons I am feeling better is because I have met a guy on Tinder. We started talking at the end of May and met up yesterday for the first time. I should add at this point that we met in a hotel because I really wanted to have sex with him.. it wasn't the case that he wanted sex and I 'succumbed'.

Now my body is not terrible, but I'm almost 42, have stretch marks, wobbly bits and in particular my stomach is horrible after having DD by emergency C section 2 years ago. This new guy has always been so complimentary, telling me how beautiful I am etc but I was nervous to meet him in real life in case he was put off by my body.

FAR FROM IT. He was so complimentary, seemed genuinely delighted at the sight of my body and was very turned on. We had the most amazing sex and he just paid so much attention to me and to every part of my body. It was genuinely a new experience for me. We are meeting again on Monday.
I have childcare for DD (a lovely nanny whom she adores- we are not in UK so it's affordable) but am meeting new guy during the day, not leaving DD overnight or anything. No plans for new guy to meet DD of course. New guy and I are both teachers and we have both just broken up for the holidays, so I'm basically planning a summer of fun... I'm just posting because I want to know if this is a crazy thing to be doing? I mean, it seems to be really positive to me, but am I deluding myself somehow?

OP posts:
HeartvsBrain · 02/07/2021 07:31

👍🏻😋🥵🤭🤢 envy!

HeartvsBrain · 02/07/2021 07:32

WinkBlushGrinEnvyenvy!

Peace43 · 02/07/2021 07:46

Sounds wonderful! Enjoy Grin

spotcheck · 02/07/2021 07:59

Well....

Sorry to be the damp squid here.

Your husband left you feeling vulnerable, and eroded your self esteem. It sounds like you are looking for someone else to repair it.
It is a dangerous game when you look to others to mend your broken bits. Don't rely on a stranger for your self esteem.

You are in a vulnerable position. Women often catch feelings in these situations. Be honest- are you truly just looking for sex, or are you hoping it will develop into something?

And, you know. You had sex on the first date - with someone you had never met.( NOT JUDGEMENT!) But crikey woman- that is reckless. He could have beat the living shit out of you. It was clear you wanted sex ( again, no judgement here on that)- but you put yourself in an incredibly unsafe position in many ways.

M0rT · 02/07/2021 08:03

Enjoy 🙂
If your prioritising your daughter to the extent of keeping it mostly daytime I think your probably sensible enough to mind your heart.

Lockeddown88 · 02/07/2021 08:04

As long as it makes you feel good then go for it!

Umberellatheweatha · 02/07/2021 08:17

I'd day that as long as you are treating it as just a bit of fun then it's all good!

BUT I think you need to be VERY careful that you are not using a man to fix your self esteem. Because...that's just a plaster. And very risky.

You need to work on it yourself too. Be nice to yourself. Learn to enjoy your own company again after so long being with someone. Because otherwise there's a risk you may jump into another relationship whilst/because you are fragile and feel you need the mans approval.

Maybe date a few other guys so that this one doesnt become a sole focus? And be ready to walk away at the first sign of feelings from him or you.

Get yourself a nice spa day or a makeover and a night out with the girls if you fancy it as well!

Basically you do you, but feel better about yourself through self work before getting into a relationship. Tbh, this guy...I'd bin him after one or two more steamy sessions because otherwise it could get very complicated.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 02/07/2021 08:25

@spotcheck

Well....

Sorry to be the damp squid here.

Your husband left you feeling vulnerable, and eroded your self esteem. It sounds like you are looking for someone else to repair it.
It is a dangerous game when you look to others to mend your broken bits. Don't rely on a stranger for your self esteem.

You are in a vulnerable position. Women often catch feelings in these situations. Be honest- are you truly just looking for sex, or are you hoping it will develop into something?

And, you know. You had sex on the first date - with someone you had never met.( NOT JUDGEMENT!) But crikey woman- that is reckless. He could have beat the living shit out of you. It was clear you wanted sex ( again, no judgement here on that)- but you put yourself in an incredibly unsafe position in many ways.

Having casual sex IS an ego boost and it's also fun, healthy and usually safe Women don't always catch feelings! Meeting a stranger for sex IS risky but in life we need to take calculated risks and try to mitigate them where possible. Avoiding doing anything because of the small potential risk isn't a way to live life.
beachlife18 · 02/07/2021 09:13

Woo hoo enjoy 😉😀

Polkadots2021 · 02/07/2021 10:45

Are you kidding me? Go have an awesome summer! Grin

areyouhavingagiraffe · 02/07/2021 11:01

OMG go for it. He sounds lovely, and it is nice that you are having fun AND he is investing time in you with phonecalls etc. Perfect FWB, not a f**kbuddy.

JudgeRindersMinder · 02/07/2021 17:02

Sounds like a perfect way to spend a summer!

me4real · 02/07/2021 17:11

Having casual sex IS an ego boost and it's also fun, healthy and usually safe

@Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep IDK about that. It depends how the bloke acts, whether he's respectful etc. But I don't think OP is just talking about casual sex anyway, it seems like her and the new guy get on well. She does have feelings for him.

@WhereTheFuck Watch out and bin if any red flags come up, whatever your feelings. Don't put up with disrespect. Keep your eyes open but have a great time. Smile

me4real · 02/07/2021 17:15

Meeting a stranger for sex IS risky but in life we need to take calculated risks and try to mitigate them where possible. Avoiding doing anything because of the small potential risk isn't a way to live life.

@Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep I don't see the risk of being violently raped (which happened to me when I hooked up with someone; I thought you couldn't be raped if you were up for sex that afternoon, but you can) as a small risk. Other than being murdered (which has happened to some women) it's about the biggest risk you can take.

But none of this really applies to OP as it seems likes she's come across an ok guy, and is being discerning about who she meets (not that that guarantees anything.)

KirstenBlest · 02/07/2021 21:08

Treat it as a fling and don't get emotionally involved but enjoy the wonderful sex.

Envy Grin

moralminority · 02/07/2021 22:43

You'd be crazy not to. So what if he's not Mr Right, he could be Mr Right Now. Enjoy your summer OP.

porkincider · 02/07/2021 22:46

Shag the balls off him and have a wonderful time

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