I’ve been single for 15 years. I’m so fed up.

[LilacCardigans]

What a crappy realisation that was. I’m so tired of being on my own.

@LilacCardigans I didn't want to read and run. I was you 4 years ago until I met my DH so I know how you must be feeling, it's especially hard when you're in a group of friends and you're the only one single; it's the loneliest feeling. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Can I ask what you do to meet people? (I appreciate the last year has been difficult with covid)

Covid aside, I use the apps. I've never had any luck though.

(also the usual things, the gym, friends, etc).

How did you meet your DH? I'm so glad it happened for you.

You are exactly like me op. It sucks.

I’ve randomly met a man via a friend and I don’t even know how to date 😂😂

I'm the same! Well I've not had a real relationship in that time just 2 short lived fwbs.
Probably many reasons tbh single mum, lack of finances, very little time to myself and importantly the ability to trust men again, not all men lie, cheat or be violent but unfortunately every man I've been romantically involved with has been at least one of these.

@LilacCardigans I was half heartedly using POF and Tinder and met some very strange people along the way. I'd swiped my way through Tinder twice and was on the verge of deleting the app but gave it one more go, widening the distance parameters a bit and happened to match with DH. There are clearly people on there who are only out for one thing but it's not that hard to see the genuine ones - no shirtless pictures, have taken the time to write a proper biog etc. Please don't give up.

I’ve heard good things about bumble. I don’t know your approach but I used to just reply to messages sent to me but I started meeting much nicer men and more suitable men when I started sending out messages and looking through profiles instead of being passive. That’s why I think bumble seems good.

Me too, OP. Fifteen years completely single, since my one brief relationship in sixth form.

I havent really been looking, but then neither were other people....and they found people. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I don't know what to say other than you're in good company. 💐

Covid aside, I actually think if you want a relationship you should approach it as if you were job hunting. It's a numbers game and pretty much down to luck...if it helps, I've know lots of women who have been single for as long as you and they all met someone eventually. The only one who hasn't does nothing in order to try to meet anyone

@LilacCardigans me too.. I’ve had a few bf who I really couldn’t be bothered with.. a brief 6mth bf who wanted to pick and choose which evenings I spent with him.. and I’m very independent and wasn’t going to be dictated too. I’m so used to being on my own I wont tolerate bullshit or needy men who like to be in constant contact.. I love being able to do what I want when I want and not discussing anything.. Sometimes I miss having someone to go out with but after swiping so many times I really dont expect to find someone I generally want to be with forever now!

I do use Bumble and prefer it to Tinder. Embarrassingly I'm swiped through on everyone in a 15 mile radius more than once.

Yes, @OnlyHerefortheBiscuits, it's so hard to watch everyone else go through it so easily. My ideal would be married and kids, but even 'just' a partner would be beyond lovely.

11 years here OP and I totally empathise. And there is slim pickings on OLD (I'm 51) so I'm not holding much hope.

@LilacCardigans how old are you if you don't mind me asking? I met my DH in my late 30s and never thought it would happen for me, that I'd have a family etc. I'd pretty much resigned myself to being single and childless but it all happened very quickly for us in the end.

Early 30s. My only 'relationship' was as a teenager so tbh I don't think it even counts.

The idea of it happening very quickly makes me feel so nervous. More than one person has said that to me, but the last thing I want is to jump into something. I am so glad it did happen for you though @Mickymackyboobaaboo.

Definitely don't jump into something for the sake of it. Whatever happens has to feel right. You'll get there.

I was single with a few short term relationships for 16 or 17 years. Then I met someone online when I was about 37 and we dated for three years until he cheated on me. Met me recent ex a year later and we dated about 3/4 years and now been single for 5/6 years with a fling here and there. I’m pushing 50 and I’ve completely given up.

But you are young and still have time. Maybe expand your search radius to further out than 15 miles it may give you more options.

@LilacCardigans. I don't know what to say but I am in the same boat. 12 yrs for me. Have never really had a relationship longer than a few months, never lived with a man, spent xmas with a man, NY etc. Have a love hate relationship with OLD. I just feel like I end up in situationships....Anyway, wanted to comment to say you are not on your own

Hi OP, I've been single since I was 30, nearly 20 years here. I've had a couple of short term flings with complete twats but nothing serious or long term.

I've been online dating on and off since 2006, gone on blind dates, done: guitar lessons, salsa, art groups etc etc over the years but not met anyone. One of my problems is that I look younger than my age so tend to attract much younger men that I'm not interested in for a long term relationship (hence the flings).

I've just lived a single life, live by myself, travel by myself, attend parties by myself, go to the theatre, cinema, exhibitions, my birthday, Christmas by myself.

I have given up meeting anyone now. I found OLD soul crushing and hate doing it. As far as I'm aware, I've done everything I can, I've put myself out there, am friendly and approachable. Nada. I've travelled a lot and being by myself has made me far more independent in that I'm so used to doing everything by myself which is great. I have a lot of regrets though, I miss sex and intimacy. I miss sharing my life with someone. I miss having no support, no one to come home to, no one to make me a cup of tea or ask me how my day went. No one cares really. It's very, very tough.

@usernameabc123, I could have written that myself! Same here, younger guys everywhere and I am not interested. I have also travelled a lot by myself, have given up waiting for a man to travel with x

I am sorry you are having such a hard time, what the answer is I do not know?
Single here myself for 10 years, during which I have had a couple of short term relationships.
I have also been on OLD for all that time on and off, whilst I do not want to get married again or even live with someone it would be nice to have some male company.
I am so bored with OLD and have always been a passive user. I have occasional periods when I think I will start approaching it as a job search, but get bored after scrolloing through a few of the offerings.
I have just turned 60 now, frequently told I look much younger, am slim and I suppose attractive, yet I only get messaged by either men who look like my grandfather or my son's.
If one more person asks me 'how are you finding thi site?'
I possibly turn out for a date once a year and in the length of time I have been on OLD the behaviour of men has certainly worsened. They seem to only want to chat which goes nowhere, no intentions of ever meeting up in real life.
I am always shocked by the amount of women on here who claim to go on loads of dates. I truly wonder where they find them, or wonder if there is something wrong with me?

I had two friends in this position, both of whom met somebody when they moved. One moved abroad and met a lovely dh, one moved to a new location in the UK and met a great partner. Seemed to be something to do with shaking up their lives, so if that's an option you might want to consider some kind of bigger change.

@crimsonlake
I went through a phase of going on lots of dates from online sites. You said you’re generally passive with OLD but for me I just basically messaged men whose profiles I liked the look of with a short message asking if they wanted to meet for coffee. I find the back and forth of online messaging tiring. That way I was able to go on lots of dates. I think many women are passive on these sites and so men aren’t used to being asked out for a coffee so most replied back. Most dates weren’t great or at least in the first 5 minutes I could tell it wasn’t something I wanted to pursue but even just going out and meeting people gave me a little boost.

MimiDaisy11, I really do not have the energy or enthusiasm to message men first. As you say yourself most dates were not great using this method, so I would rather stay home than go through all that.
Over the years I have been on plenty of dates, perhaps I was less fussy then :) Obviously I am older now, so get less attention. Yesterday I was messaged by a 72 year old! Also someone who looked like Liam Gallagher sent a message saying he could come round do some gardening for me lol.