Feeling sad..... how did you cope when your children met your exes new kids?

[peterpanswife]

I'm looking for stories of how other wives/partners may have felt in the situation. I'd rather not hear the usual "but they are your kids siblings and you MUST let them see them" as I've heard it all before but that doesn't alleviate the pain.
Long story short. Was married for 23 years. Was always desperate to have another baby but ex said "no way" as second child has autism and husband couldn't face risking another child with autism. I didn't mind, I just would have loved more children.
Move forward 23 years and our kids are grown up. Husband had affair and gets OW pregnant within 3 months of meeting her. He tries to get her to have an abortion but due to her religious beliefs she refuses.
Now ex wants our grown up kids to meet his new child who is now 4. Neither wants to have any extra siblings and are really miffed that they have missed out on so many years of their dad (he was abroad) and now he's desperate for them to "bond" with the new child.
It's entirely up to my children to do what they want and I will of course support them, however, the pain is pretty bad.
Anyone else had a situation like this or tips on how to get through this?

If your children are adults then it's their decision. You not having another child because of this man is a separate issue that you need to deal with and not involve your children in. My ex has had another daughter when our sons were 18 and 21 and I never felt any need to have an opinion on if they met her or not as its got nothing to do with me.

I get that this would be difficult with the affair and OW element in particular. However, your children are adults and don't seem that enthusiastic about it anyway - it's up to them. Expect it would be much harder if they were all young and bundled in to play happy families by force.

It is what it is.

They are adults and the child is 4 so it's up to them. I wouldn't be arsed if it were me

It is theirs to navigate, but gross. I understand how you feel though. I had FROZEN EMBRYOS and needed to go to counseling because of how they weighed on my. Ex did not want more children. He also had an affair with a woman 22 years younger. He was 48 and she 26. She had a 9 year old from a teen pregnancy and got pregnant. That baby was born before I was even divorced, which disgusts me and then they had another. Every part of it feels like an affront—he made a mockery of my life and the thought I put into decisions I made. But ultimately we have no control. I have also come to realize that if they behave like this the shortcoming probably showed in many other aspects of our relationships. I was committed to marriage and my family but overlooked a lot. At the end of the day I got out of a very mediocre marriage with no guilt. The odds of your grown children bonding with this child are slim. They may meet or be a little open because they likely have kind hearts, and that is a testament to you. But if you think they will now bond and create the family you wanted with dad and the new son I would not worry. Ex may want that, but it won’t happen.

He wants babysitters