Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Shall I message this guy?

25 replies

Bushytreetops · 01/07/2021 15:01

So, there's a guy who works in a store in my home town. I've seen him in there for years but he's just got that something you rarely find, for me anyway! I see him probably a few times a month, never spoken, we have maintained eye contact more that maybe deemed necessary but my god I really fancy this guy. I'm not the type to find attraction easy but he blows me away! I'm six months out of an awfully abusive longterm relationship and I'm healed from that and ready to roll! But I NEED to know more about store guy. So yes, I've done a bit of sm stalking and it turns out he's separated. I've thought about slipping him my number whilst out but I'm too gutless and maybe that's too forward. Shall I message him on sm? What shall I say?
I should add I'm a professional woman in her 40s with kids, not a school child 😁

OP posts:
WiganEmma · 01/07/2021 15:07

I think, if you feel like that, message him! what have you got to lose.

AryaStarkWolf · 01/07/2021 15:11

I think if I were you I'd try to strike up some conversation with him in the shop first and see how that goes

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/07/2021 15:12

I would leave him well alone. You're a mere six months out of an abusive relationship and he is separated. That is all you really know about him and you have built up a fantasy of him in your head. Your boundaries, bashed by previous abuse, are perhaps still very low and you remain vulnerable. The last thing either of you need now is a relationship, particularly with each other. He is in no position emotionally to embark on a relationship with anyone.

Love your own self for a change and continue to rebuild your life here, concentrate on your own self and your children.

Original poster
Bushytreetops · 01/07/2021 15:20

My boundaries more than ever are maintained and will stay that way. I'm not seeking a long term relationship, actually I'm not seeking any relationship, he just intrigues me and I'd like to get to know him. I have not built up a fantasy in my head!

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 01/07/2021 15:25

@AttilaTheMeerkat

I would leave him well alone. You're a mere six months out of an abusive relationship and he is separated. That is all you really know about him and you have built up a fantasy of him in your head. Your boundaries, bashed by previous abuse, are perhaps still very low and you remain vulnerable. The last thing either of you need now is a relationship, particularly with each other. He is in no position emotionally to embark on a relationship with anyone.

Love your own self for a change and continue to rebuild your life here, concentrate on your own self and your children.

How do you know he's not in a position to emotionally embark in a relationship with anyone?
Sakurami · 01/07/2021 15:37

Messaging him if you don't know each other is a bit stalky and would freak me out.

Why don't you start chatting to him next time? (Tbh I would struggle to do that too!)

Original poster
Bushytreetops · 01/07/2021 16:05

It's hard to chat as he's busy and I'm normally rushing to work, obviously smiling isn't really an option with masks

OP posts:
PenelopeP1tstop · 01/07/2021 16:07

He works in a store? Can't you ask him where the eggs are or if he recommends the latest iPad - depending on the shop

DragonDoor · 01/07/2021 16:14

Seeing as he hasn’t given you his details, it’s a bit off to contact him.

I would be terrified if someone had seen me at my place of work , looked me up online then contacted me out of the blue.

Could you not just get a bit of rapport going then ask him out?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 01/07/2021 16:30

I would be really freaked out if someone who saw me at work tracked me down on social media and asked me out when I had never even spoken to them.

Either be brave enough to speak to him face to face or leave it, I think. Otherwise you're just doing it in a way that's easier for you but more unsettling for him if he's not interested.

seensome · 01/07/2021 16:30

Years ago I worked as a waitress and a guy that fancied me wrote a letter and number and gave it to my colleague In a envelope to give to me, I didn't call him but did think it was very sweet, maybe you could do that? Give your name so he can look you up on sm so he knows who it is. If he doesn't call you you can just shop somewhere else Grin

SteveArnottsWaistcoat · 01/07/2021 16:38

Definitely strike up a conversation asking his advice on something. Just be confident and direct! Don’t do the flirty thing or anything and don’t message him. Be friendly and pleasant. Maybe then go back to him nest time and say “thanks for the recommendation” etc. By that point you’re bound to have gauged if you can go in for the kill or not! Good luck.

PumpkinKlNG · 01/07/2021 17:08

I wouldn’t

Original poster
Bushytreetops · 01/07/2021 17:15

Thank you all, you're right ill look stalkerish! I won't message, I would be freaked out if someone were to do that to me. I'll try to get the courage next time, but he's part of management so if I ask him he'd probably refer me to the correct department.

OP posts:
lurkingdh · 01/07/2021 17:21

On a train once the woman sitting next to me out of the blue said "I'd like you to take this" and handed me a bit of paper as she got up to leave. She'd scribbled her first name and phone number on it.

I thought it was the perfect way to do it - no awkward chatting or desperately trying to lead a conversation somewhere, and it leaves an easy "out" for the other person to simply not text if they're not interested.

So yeah, I'd say do that.

Original poster
Bushytreetops · 01/07/2021 17:41

@lurkingdh that I could do. If that were done to me obviously depending on the person I'd find it quite endearing. Thank you!

OP posts:
SteveArnottsWaistcoat · 01/07/2021 22:23

@Bushytreetops

Thank you all, you're right ill look stalkerish! I won't message, I would be freaked out if someone were to do that to me. I'll try to get the courage next time, but he's part of management so if I ask him he'd probably refer me to the correct department.
Yeah but...if he likes you he will go to the trouble of helping you himself!

Good luck.

parkerpop · 01/07/2021 22:58

I'd agree with what @SteveArnottsWaistcoat says! Ask him for help with something/finding something (depending on the store) and see how he reacts.

If he's interested in you he'll make a pint of doing it himself. If he passes you off to someone else without any chat then at least you've saved face.

If a member of management in a store is on the shop floor and thinks they're above being polite & helpful to a customer then he's on a complete power trip and needs to get his ego in check

Original poster
Bushytreetops · 01/07/2021 23:13

It's a private electrical store, which I maybe frequent too much considering the prices!

OP posts:
Tafelberg · 01/07/2021 23:20

@lurkingdh I did exactly that to a guy on a train once - this wasn’t in London was it..?!

APeakyBlinder · 01/07/2021 23:31

Placemarking to see if @lurkingdh replies to @Tafelberg 👀

sunnyzweibrucken · 02/07/2021 02:28

A friend of mine passed her number to a guy at an event they were attending. They never spoke at the event but he called her the next day and they talked for hours every day until they were able to meet up. they’ve been happily married about 30 years. So I say passing your number is something you can try

Susannahmoody · 02/07/2021 02:43

Go in and aks for some advice on wattage or something... He'll be straight over

lurkingdh · 02/07/2021 07:33

[quote Tafelberg]@lurkingdh I did exactly that to a guy on a train once - this wasn’t in London was it..?![/quote]
It was!

Well done on summoning up the courage to do that - the world would be a better place if more people had the confidence to do what you did (even if it wasn't me!).

Tafelberg · 02/07/2021 08:24

@lurkingdh ha, thanks. I always hate the feeling of kicking myself for not talking to someone if I chicken out - would rather regret doing something than not doing it. If it was you, the reply you sent me was spot on as well, even if it didn’t turn out the way I’d hoped it would Wink

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread