emotionally abusive marriage , need advice please

[suchatwat]

Hi Ladies - Really need your help and advise on this please, I have my sister here with me at the moment , yesterday I collected her from a secure unit as the night before she had left a suicide note, background married for 16 years , to the outside world, including family, a fantastic man, behind doors a controlling narcissist, they have 3 DC's, who at the moment are with their dad. She thinks he is turning them against her. Sister's mind is all over the place but does know that she wants a divorce. Any idea where to start? I have looked on line this morning to see if we can get a counsellor that we can talk to, next step is to find a free 30 min solicitor appointment, it's so hard breaking to watch her, she feels worthless and I feel helpless, all advice welcome x

Emotional abuse does this to you. She may feel worthless because she has been blaming herself for the treatment. I have come out of an emotionally abusive relationship and I have been trying to find a therapist for this particular situation. What I have done in the meantime is to look up the dynamics of emotional abuse, gas lighting, trauma bonding(as he will probably try and get her back by being lovely and probably has in the past. It doesn't last long). It really helps to understand what you have been through and most importantly that it's not your fault as a lot of emotionally abusive people will try to blame you for their words and actions.

I would suggest that you get in touch with Womens Aid or your local domestic advice service. They will be able to give your sister some advice about keeping herself and her children safe.

@Clov3119 you described exactly how she was feeling, sadly, think it was good for her to hear she is not alone in being treated like this

@FuckyDoodleDoo Thanks we have just rang Women's Aid, she doesn't feel she can speak yet, but we have registered and got a ref number for when she is ready