Obsessed with my husband

[toobhu]

Been married 11 months. It's not that I think he doesn't love me , he tells me often and treats me lovely... but I just feel I'm obsessed with him. And it's not healthy . I want to know where he is all the time. I hate it when he goes out without me. I have real issues over retroactive jealousy of his past relationships.
I've tried counselling but she blamed it all on my dad and ended the sessions as she thought I was 'cured'.
Not sure what to do next and how to stop feeling like this. He says he feels smothered sometimes and I totally understand that 😕

It's a difficult mindset to get out of but at some point you have to accept that you can't have a hold over him, he's chosen to be with you so you have to put the trust in that he comes home to you everyday, you have a future together, over time he will get fed up of this behaviour so don't spoil it. I know it's hard to just leave him alone but what if you try to start small steps, don't ask/question him at all for a day, you'll see that nothing majorly happens, increase this gap until you stop wanting to know, let conversation happen naturally about your days.
Plan your days too so you have plenty to do, to occupy your mind.

If you are still struggling with the feelings, find another therapist. There are a lot more than one therapists in the world.

Also, if she declared you "cured" (which raises my eyebrows, because therapists typically don't do that kind of thing) it suggests you weren't being honest with her about your feelings or behaviour, and whether they had changed.

Therapy doesn't work by magic. You have to do work yourself - reflection, tasks, deploy techniques and coping strategies. Go and look for another therapist and talk to them about how you want someone action oriented who will help you change your behaviour.

Is this from a deep seated insecurity op? I think you need to find another therapist, and also work on your self esteem.

Tbh it probably is something to do with your dad. We all tell ourselves stories when younger to make sense of the world and develop coping mechanisms that we're mostly unaware of. Coping mechanisms like keeping tabs on someone like you do with your partner likely stems from your childhood. Your brain processes memories from when you were in the womb and stores them when making your neurological parts of your brain. It sounds wanky but to get to the bottom of your unhealthy behaviours you are going to have to unpick stories you've told yourself, grieve and parent your inner child. It's a lot of hard work to really open yourself and examine behaviours and where they come from.

It sounds like you have an insecure attachment style. Look it up, do some reading around it, I recommend the book Attached by Amir Levine. And yes, get another therapist. Best of luck.

@toobhu read why men love bitches. Buy it today (don’t let him see!). I’m not into self help books and I mocked this book massively when a friend recommended it. It is also has a horrible title IMO. But... it’s actually about how to treat yourself better, know you are just as important as your DP and in the process helps your relationship. I can’t recommend it highly enough, I was so sceptical and some of it you take with a pinch of salt, but honestly I think you’d read it and feel much more confident, relaxed and happy. It’s like having a very long chat with a very good counseller. Reviews on Amazon speak for themselves!

Not all therapists are equal - I think it sounds like you need to try another one!

It sounds like you have an insecure attachment style. Look it up, do some reading around it, I recommend the book Attached by Amir Levine. And yes, get another therapist. Best of luck.

THIS.

I second the recommendation of Levine's book. Also have a look at Women who Love Too Much and The Six Pillars of Self Esteem.