Weekly porn but not impinging on our relationship.

[ginncordial]

My partner watches porn... probably once per week . So do I . We both know this of each other . Doesn't bother him or me . No ED or PE and doesn't affect my intimacy with him nor him
With me
Long distance relationship . See one another once per week . Sex incredible . Would you be bothered ? Any issues ahead with m your experience ??

My experience is that my husband has a porn addiction which I didn't know the extent of until I walked in on him one day. Turns out it had been a feature of my marriage throughout, I just didn't know it.

Throughout that time he'd lied, hidden his use from me, moved into live online stuff and had I remained in the marriage and oblivious, I'm certain he would have moved into real life stuff.

I figured he used it from time to time, I didn't even know how bad it could get. Key thing was the lack of communication from him. He kept it hidden from the off and it thrived in that environment.

I've done a lot of reading into it now, and perhaps if it wasn't porn, he'd be addicted to something else. But it was readily available , it has evolved to be even more addictive by the way the sites are set up and how it can be accessed by phone etc.

Seriously, watch that programme.

So sorry to hear that Febo.

that's me. Ruined my marriage.

This applies to me too but I'm not sure it reached addiction stage. I just didn't like it nor the secrecy aspect (only found out by accident).

Someone once said that if a partner has an alcohol addiction there is far more sympathy...agreed. I find it's an isolating thing to deal with and haven't spoken about it much in real life. Heading off to therapy soon to unravel my thoughts. When you marry and have dc and you are perhaps naively unaware that your husband has been watching porn...you then have to deal with the fall out of that.

The trouble is in my case the trust and respect that I once had for my husband has evaporated yet you will often be told that 'most men' do this and it is normalised and it seems like any sympathy for your situation has evaporated too.

The ethics behind it are rubbish (I have daughters and the women on the screen is somebody's daughter). Add in the fact that it is readily available to teen boys and the impact it might have on future relationships...I sometimes fear for my daughters futures.

It may seem a crude analogy (although the science supports the similarity in effect) but think of porn like a drug.

You’ll find people who can take drugs very occasionally, but drugs are addictive and those who use them regularly are highly likely to become physically dependent on them at best, addicted at worst.

Just as with drugs, where you build tolerance over time, heavy porn users need increasingly novel / extreme content to get the same “hit”. There are plenty of studies into the effect of porn on the brain.

Porn is designed to be addictive, to be more appealing than reality. And those who use porn regularly can find that the actual physical act of sex is not as appealing as porn. Erectile dysfunction may occur, but delayed ejaculation / “death grip” is likely to be more of an issue.

These are commonly recounted issues - not unusual.

Then add in the ethical issues, the gradual coercion into acts you’re not comfortable with, the impact of porn on a person’s perception of sex, and it can do significant damage to a relationship.

So maybe you’ve got a partner who’s the equivalent of someone who takes cocaine a couple of times a year and never thinks about it in between times. Or maybe you’ve got a partner who you think takes cocaine once a week and is actually taking it every day. Not a risk I take personally after my own experiences of physical, sexual and mental abuse but you seem comfortable with it so that’s your choice. Just don’t be so quick to assume it’s harmless.

I think it depends on the person. DH and I are both light porn users.... always have been both alone and as a couple* and it’s not caused a problem in our decade+ relationship. However a previous LT partner of mine used porn probably a similar amount to how DH and I do to start but became gradually obsessed. He used it increasingly and our sex life became “pornified” and he wanted to do things that he had seen on screen more and more, even if I was clearly not into it.

So if it’s not a problem for you it’s not a problem but only you know your relationship.

*and I know there are some shady ethics- I’ve worked in the industry- not on cam!- and try to source ethical stuff, am part of the movement away from exploitive stuff but that’s a whole other candle cor a whole other cake!

@Tired453 I hear you. I have felt very isolated. Only a few people know the full truth, some know a version and lots don't know much at all, only that we split.

I'm not trying to protect him, but I'm trying to protect my kids from ever finding out.

It's shit, because I can't shout it from the roof tops or let people know just how horrendous this has been.

@Mermaid9264

Women who feature in porn usually do this on their own accord as jobs and get paid to do this out of choice? Surely being a feminist would mean that women are very much capable of making their own choices without being judged by other women as "degrading themselves?"

Really? Every single woman in porn is if legal age ( or able to give consent ) and there willingly ! That statement would actually be funny if it wernt so sad According to a lot of stats around a third in some platforms are underage . Have you heard of women’s images and videos being used without their consent ??? Again very common So tell us again how you KNOW your not watching someone being raped or someone who has no idea their are being filmed or who is not legally able to give consent You really have to be kidding don’t you

@Mermaid9264

Women who feature in porn usually do this on their own accord as jobs and get paid to do this out of choice? Surely being a feminist would mean that women are very much capable of making their own choices without being judged by other women as "degrading themselves?"

Getting paid to do something and doing it out of choice are not the same thing.

I support womens’ right to choose what work they do, but let’s not pretend that all women in porn are there because they have many choices and this is what they chose.

@Mermaid9264
Exactly what deathgrip says
And btw ‘being a feminist’ means understanding that having men decide on whether your ‘sexy or desirable enough’ for them to consume in porn is NOT empowering
It also means understanding the many many ways in which porn lies about women and their worth