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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He never emotionally supports

6 replies

hoooooplahoop · 30/06/2021 22:34

My partner can’t ever offer any emotional support. He never has any encouraging words or advice the only thing he does his try to downplay situations or explain them away as something not to worry about. This is for every situation in our lives.

For example our DD (1 year old) has been ill the last few days, when I first brought it up to him that I think she’s getting poorly he tried to explain it away as just the weather changing Hmm. If she has a rash to him it isn’t a rash (she has allergies), he doesn’t even believe she has true food allergies. She’s been very poorly and crying and he just stands there watching me tend to her, no advice, no concern and never does anything proactive to help the situation he’s just standing there in the way. He’s exactly the same when I’m ill or stressed about something yet when he is ill he throws a strop like a child if I don’t show concern or “look after him”. I feel like I get absolutely nothing from him emotionally.

He’s always been this way so I know he’s not going to change but I just find it very odd especially now we have a child.

OP posts:
Welshgal85 · 01/07/2021 07:58

Have you talked to him about it and why you find it difficult? What does he say?

Dozer · 01/07/2021 08:00

All your examples are around illness. Is the issue specific to that?

If DD has diagnosed allergies, his attitude sounds dangerous. If she doesn’t, his opinion is as valid as yours.

hoooooplahoop · 01/07/2021 22:25

I’ve brought it up many times he just replies with it’s the way he is.

No it’s not just around illnesses it’s in all areas of our lives he doesn’t offer any support. Even the good things. She has allergies to milk, egg and soy never been “confirmed” but she gets stomach upset and eczema if she / me (she’s still breastfeeding) has accidentally consumed any.

OP posts:
o8T8o · 01/07/2021 22:37

Do the same right back to him and see how he likes it

Whatfreshhellisthis9 · 01/07/2021 22:43

I know how hard this is. He can learn - if he wants to...

RainbowMumzy · 01/07/2021 22:46

My husband can be the same! It seems to be his "survival mode". If he downplays it all and you're not worrying then he doesn't need to worry either. Doesn't make it right though.

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