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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

End of marriage but fucked up

34 replies

ohhballs · 30/06/2021 22:06

Was reaching the end of an emotionally abusive 15 year marriage and found out my husband had spent the last year cheating on me so ended things and he moved straight out.

Not my finest moment but 2 days later I reconnected with someone from my past and slept with them.

Period due today and no sign which isn't too unusual but thought I would take a test anyway and oh shit there's the faintest line. Have taken a second one and it also has a faint line.

In all likelihood it's not husbands. Can't remember when i last slept with him but probably a couple of weeks before other guy.

I know I can't keep it so need to sort that out. Not sure how medical abortions work at the minute but think they'll post them out for you?

Also wasn't going to tell the guy but is this morally wrong? Does he deserve to know?

I felt so free and like I'd finally made a good decision in my life ending my marriage and now I feel like I've made a really stupid decision and made everything even harder

OP posts:
SoMuchForSummerLove · 01/07/2021 11:21

@bathsh3ba

Sorry, but personally I disagree that it is okay to not discuss an abortion with the potential father. Ultimately it's your decision but he at least deserves to know. I know this is a hugely unpopular opinion on Mumsnet but I'm going to say it anyway, an abortion affects three people, not just the woman. That's not to say it's not sometimes the right thing to do, but I don't agree that it's nothing to do with anyone else.
But it doesn't affect the man in the equation, because right now there is a ball of cells, and there will never be a baby. Why tell him? His opinion is as nothing, the OP's decision is hers alone to make.
Emmelina · 01/07/2021 14:42

Your body, your decision. Nobody else needs to know outside of yourself and a medical professional.

parkesj2 · 01/07/2021 14:56

This reply has been deleted

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Mamamamasaurus · 01/07/2021 15:02

@bathsh3ba

Sorry, but personally I disagree that it is okay to not discuss an abortion with the potential father. Ultimately it's your decision but he at least deserves to know. I know this is a hugely unpopular opinion on Mumsnet but I'm going to say it anyway, an abortion affects three people, not just the woman. That's not to say it's not sometimes the right thing to do, but I don't agree that it's nothing to do with anyone else.
Is it the man taking the tablets? Is it the man going through the actual process? Does the man deal with any part of it?

No

Therefore the only person the OP needs to consider, is herself.

BlackSwan · 01/07/2021 15:17

Your body your choice. Entirely.

category12 · 01/07/2021 18:01

@bathsh3ba

Sorry, but personally I disagree that it is okay to not discuss an abortion with the potential father. Ultimately it's your decision but he at least deserves to know. I know this is a hugely unpopular opinion on Mumsnet but I'm going to say it anyway, an abortion affects three people, not just the woman. That's not to say it's not sometimes the right thing to do, but I don't agree that it's nothing to do with anyone else.
Really doesn't affect him in the slightest.
ohhballs · 01/07/2021 23:06

Thanks everyone. I've requested an appointment and they should be emailing me over details

OP posts:
Recessed · 01/07/2021 23:18

Definitely wouldn't tell him - what would that gain? You're kind is made up so there is literally nothing good that will come from telling him.

Don't be so hard on yourself and well done for leaving an abusive relationship.

I've had a medical termination, it was completely fine.

Recessed · 01/07/2021 23:18

*mind

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