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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Commitment-phobe

2 replies

toddlema · 30/06/2021 16:21

So I've been with a guy 2 years, he's a typical chap perhaps a bit selfisg and I'm a typical lass, perhaps a bit brooding. I'm a single Mum, homeowner, very financially independent, built up from nothing myself.
After 2 years I'd like us to live together, we both own houses. He's said when I buy a bigger house he will move in with us, not before and he will give me 'rent'. As it happens I'm selling to move near a good school for my child, not for a bigger house. He does want a child himself tho so is willing to go through that process to get me pregnant, that's because I'm old, so that is no romantic gesture, me having his child and having no proper commitment to me is no problem in his eyes. I feel a bit used really and a bit hurt, I'm very traditional-minded. I feel like I'm hanging on for someone who will never step up. I dream of being in a partnership working towards a marriage, but it's just a dream.
If I leave him there's no return, I never ever revisit old relationships. I've tried talking but he isn't interested, says I'm being unfair and that he's the one changing his life not me, feels he's doing enough. I'm not blind, but when I leave a relationship I really leave so I make sure I'm doing the right thing. What should I do before I make that decision either way? I want to be fair-minded if I can.

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 30/06/2021 16:30

He's "willing to go through the process to get you pregnant"? And putting conditions on the relationship, like you buying a bigger house?

There will always be a reason why he can't commit. Move on, this is really going nowhere.

seensome · 30/06/2021 20:55

He wants little commitment will you doing all the hard slog such as finding a house, bearing his child, he's not offering you marriage and buying a house with you, I expect he wants to rent so he's free to leave when he feels like it.
Don't get pregnant with anyone unless they are willing to commit to the same way you want.

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