Page 2 | He still pines after his ex

2me2u2u2me · 30/06/2021 15:42

@WhatIsThisPlease

I think it's time to move on.

Not because of the messages, but because he fell asleep during the football.

Piss funny that

Windmillwhirl · 30/06/2021 15:48

I wouldn't be able to come back from this. I'd probably tell him I have feelings for an ex and he was the best sex I ever had.

I'm sorry, but it's good you know the truth now. X

updownroundandround · 30/06/2021 16:23

@Mensuck

Sorry, but you cannot unsee those messages, and you cannot simply carry on as you were before either.

You know you deserve to be number 1 in your partners eyes, but you'll always think yourself second best with this guy.

It's a no brainer. You'd be better to face this sooner rather than later. Dump him, and don't look back.

AnastasiaBeverleyHills · 30/06/2021 19:15

@Mensuck

Hi so I’ve been dating this guy for 11 months, things have been going great or so I thought. Our sex life is great, we spend time together, we’re always laughing and have a great connection. We have spoken at the future at length and we plan to move closer to his little boy. All in all I really thought this was it, I’m so in love with him.

I will admit I am very insecure and he does spend a lot of time with his child’s mother, days out, when he visits he stays just because it’s a long journey. I’ve told him I am uncomfortable with it but I understand the position he’s in.

He fell asleep yesterday watching the football on his phone, it was unlocked so I went through it. I went through their conversation and there was nothing untoward. I don’t know why but I searched her name on WhatsApp and it pulled up a conversation with his best friend. He’s talking about his ex and he said she is the best sex he’s ever had, he said he’s still very attracted to her, how beautiful she is and they have an amazing connection. I locked the phone after that because I felt sick.

I honestly don’t know how to bring it up, I know I shouldn’t of looked because I found something. He was so cheery this morning before he went to work but I feel like he’s cheated? Do I just tell him?

What an unbeliebable invasion of privacy. You opened his phone and read his private conversations with his ex. The you searched her name and found another private conversation he had with a friend. We all have conversations with friends that we don't want anyone else to hear. Sometimes people get nostaglic, there are many reasons. Even if he meant what he said you still crossed a huge line. Saying someone is great in bed and that they're beautiful is not cheating. Yes it's hurtful but you went searching, through his private message, WHEN HE WAS ASLEEP! You should break up. There is no trust there and if my partner did what you did I would never trust her again.

Shoxfordian · 30/06/2021 19:19

You should break up

If I found out you’d gone through my phone then I’d dump you instantly anyway

Garraty47 · 30/06/2021 19:24

@Bluntness100

It’s not working, the fact you took his phone when he was sleeping is beyond disturbing behaviour and what he’s saying is even worse, you’re just a compromise, second best. End it and move on. This will eat you up.

I agree with this.

He should ditch you for invading his privacy and snooping through his phone. Toxic behaviour.

Almondcroissant25 · 30/06/2021 22:41

Your only option is to end it. It’s shitty behaviour from him talking openly about his ex like that when he is with you, but it also isn’t the greatest idea to snoop.

I think a lot of people in relationships probably pine for an ex, or miss them, or probably still love them a bit, but it doesn’t mean they’re bad people or that they don’t love/want/fancy their current partner!

What crosses the line in this scenario is that he is not keeping his inner most thoughts to himself - he is telling his friend, potentially her, potentially other people too. Get a drink down him when he’s out with his mates and God knows what he could be saying about the ex! That is disrespectful and you cannot go back from this. You’ll never trust him when he’s visiting her, you’ll never enjoy sex with him again because you’ll think of her, you’ll never stop feeling like you’re 2nd best.

The relationship will end anyway at some point so you may as well end it now (but for the love of God do not tell him you snooped unless you want World War III).

youvegottenminuteslynn · 30/06/2021 23:14

You went through his phone while he was asleep. That is not a sign of a healthy relationship.

He doesn't feel as strongly for you as you do for him, at least sexually, by far it seems. That is not a sign of an equal and balanced relationship.

You don't feel able to talk to him about what's happened. That is not the sign of a secure, honest relationship.

It's over already, surely?

misssunshine4040 · 30/06/2021 23:40

@Mensuck

Hi so I’ve been dating this guy for 11 months, things have been going great or so I thought. Our sex life is great, we spend time together, we’re always laughing and have a great connection. We have spoken at the future at length and we plan to move closer to his little boy. All in all I really thought this was it, I’m so in love with him.

I will admit I am very insecure and he does spend a lot of time with his child’s mother, days out, when he visits he stays just because it’s a long journey. I’ve told him I am uncomfortable with it but I understand the position he’s in.

He fell asleep yesterday watching the football on his phone, it was unlocked so I went through it. I went through their conversation and there was nothing untoward. I don’t know why but I searched her name on WhatsApp and it pulled up a conversation with his best friend. He’s talking about his ex and he said she is the best sex he’s ever had, he said he’s still very attracted to her, how beautiful she is and they have an amazing connection. I locked the phone after that because I felt sick.

I honestly don’t know how to bring it up, I know I shouldn’t of looked because I found something. He was so cheery this morning before he went to work but I feel like he’s cheated? Do I just tell him?

I'm so sorry, I know that feeling it's the absolute worst. Please do yourself the biggest favour and leave him. Don't spend anymore time torturing yourself like this it will consume you

QueenBee52 · 01/07/2021 01:07

Ditch him OP..

you deserve way better than this turd 🌸

Guavafish · 01/07/2021 03:57

He is not over the relationship

Agree with all - time to end it and move on

Lovelydiscusfish · 01/07/2021 10:19

How recent was the conversation with his friend? That makes a huge difference.

And you shouldn’t have gone through his phone but fuck it - none of us is perfect and we all do daft things. It doesn’t make you the devil.

Lovelydiscusfish · 01/07/2021 10:21

Oh sorry, I missed the bit where you said two weeks ago.

Yes you have to dump him.

layladomino · 01/07/2021 10:21

A vote here for finishing the relationship: "Really sorry, it's been great, but I have to admit that I'm still pining for my ex, and comparing you with him, and that isn't fair on you as you'll never be as good for me as he was. No hard feelings?"

Sandra15 · 01/07/2021 10:28

@layladomino

A vote here for finishing the relationship: "Really sorry, it's been great, but I have to admit that I'm still pining for my ex, and comparing you with him, and that isn't fair on you as you'll never be as good for me as he was. No hard feelings?"

This ^^

Sailingthroughtheweek · 01/07/2021 10:31

I wouldn’t tell him you’ve seen the messages. What’s the point - there is no positive outcome. You know that how he feels, so I would hold my head high, wish him all the best and move on. You don’t owe him a reason.

dieblauenStrumpfhosen · 01/07/2021 10:48

Unfortunately you are the master of your own misfortune here. You don't go through someone else's private conversations. There was no way his intention was for you to see that conversation and we all say things about our partner/ex partner to friends in private that we wouldn't want anyone else to hear. Now you have discovered this, your insecurities will be even worse.

I'm aware a lot of people on MN defend invading their partner's privacy, but it's not on. You've betrayed his trust in you.

Aprilx · 01/07/2021 10:49

I think you (general you) don’t go through somebody phone unless you are looking for something. I don’t understand a phone being unlocked either, mine have always locked themselves after a minute or two of being unused.

I don’t think there is any way back from this, it seems clear to me that the only reason he is not with her is because she won’t have him. If she changes her mind, he will be gone. I definitely wouldn’t be uprooting myself as you may be effectively helping him to facilitate a reconciliation.

Unfortunately you cannot unread what you have read. I don’t see any point in bringing this up, the conversation will go one of two ways. He will either pick up on your snooping and gloss over the content you read. Or he will say she will always be the mother of his child but you are the one he really wants blah blah. I think the truth is what he said when he didn’t think it was for your eyes.

Lovelydiscusfish · 01/07/2021 14:01

I think the problem is that he is saying this 11 months in.

My best friend and I both started new relationships about a year ago, and in the early days both had the odd drunken moment of texting each other saying we missed our exes (even tho both those exes were toxic twats). But that was then - if either of us was still doing it months into the current relationship, I’d say that was a total deal breaker.

honeybuns007 · 02/07/2021 15:15

@dieblauenStrumpfhosen

Unfortunately you are the master of your own misfortune here. You don't go through someone else's private conversations. There was no way his intention was for you to see that conversation and we all say things about our partner/ex partner to friends in private that we wouldn't want anyone else to hear. Now you have discovered this, your insecurities will be even worse.

I'm aware a lot of people on MN defend invading their partner's privacy, but it's not on. You've betrayed his trust in you.

Only on MN is checking a partner's phone a bigger crime than cheating or talking negatively about a partner to a friend or just about anything. 'He killed the neighbour's cat'. 'Well you only found out by checking his phone so you are the villain' 🙄

OldBean2 · 02/07/2021 16:06

I hope by now you have finished the relationship by telling him you suspect he still has feelings for his ex and you are not used to coming second, nor do you intend to be second best for anyone and you are moving on to someone who will really appreciate you.

happytohavefoundyou · 02/07/2021 16:13

@honeybuns007 he didn't talk badly about the OP. He had a private conversation with a friend.

Could you imagine everything you thought or said being public knowledge?.

What she did was unacceptable. She acted insecure & jealous.

But she won't end the relationship at all. She will tell him, he will make some excuse and they will be find until the next time.

QueenBee52 · 02/07/2021 16:59

Only on MN is checking a partner's phone a bigger crime than cheating or talking negatively about a partner to a friend or just about anything. 'He killed the neighbour's cat'. 'Well you only found out by checking his phone so you are the villain' 🙄

agreed.. 🌸

ClawedButler · 02/07/2021 17:12

Oh dear, that must be a real punch in the gut.

I wouldn't tell him you went through his phone. No good can come of that conversation.

And I don't think he's a turd. He's a man who's still in love with his ex, but they've split, he can't have her, and so he's trying to move on. Unfortunately, he hasn't emotionally moved on, and you've ended up getting badly hurt.

I think he needs some time to be by himself, to properly get over her. You need to step back, realise that this isn't about you, lesson learned and all that, and start trying to get over him. He's wasted almost a year of your life using you to try to move on - you deserve someone who's totally into you and you alone