Leaving partner of 20 years, worried about the future.

[Kaylasmum49]

I recently posted about my abusive partner and was given a fair amount of upsetting replies.

Yesterday I received an offer of accommodation from the council. I feel happy and very sad at the same time and don't know how to handle my emotions. My 17 year old dd knows and is ok with it but I haven't told my 14 year old ds, I am waiting on an autism diagnosis and he has severe anxiety about almost everything. I don't know how to break this news to him. He is still trying to get over the death of our cat 3 weeks ago. I'm worried that he will hate me for splitting up the family.

Any advice would be very welcome.

Anyone have advice? Really feeling low.

No advice, but well done on taking these steps.
And your DS's anxiety may well lower once you are out of the stressful environment of living with an abuser.

Maybe you can also plan ahead for when you're resettled somewhere new - with a new cat? It's nice to imagine a better future together.

I don't know much about autism but I would think it's better to tell him sooner rather than later so your DS has time to get his head around what's happening before it does. Well done for leaving! I can only imagine how scary the uncertainty feels but I hope you come back in a few months to tell us all how it was the best decision you ever made.

I’m sorry, it must be such a stressful situation, knowing that he gets bad anxiety and not knowing how he will take it.

Maybe think of it in the frame of a long term strategy. It’s not the moment of telling him that will make him or break him, it’s how it’s handled in the long run. See it like Project DS, how to get him to a happy place at a pace that he can handle, whether through lots and lots of you and DS time, counselling, time with his friends, talking with his sister (I obviously don’t know what would work for your DS, but you get my drift).

The first few days / weeks will likely be hard, there’s no magic pill that will make it ok for him, but know that it’s a journey he can take with you and his sister, and that you’ll be there holding his hand every step of the way

Thanks for the replies,

I know I'm doing the right thing but 20 years is a long time and I am so afraid of coping with everything g on my own. I wasn't expecting to get a place so soon so a bit in shock with the speed of it all.

You’ve come this far!

Change can be terrifying, even when you want it. It’s ok to be afraid, it means you’ll take extra care with all your decisions. As long as you don’t let it freeze you, as long as you can live alongside it, you will survive! And more than survive, you’ll grow stronger from it...

Your job as a mother is to protect your children from abusive people, even if that person is their parent. You have no choice but to stay strong and get through this. You can do it.