Is there a way to help my dad?

[RaginaFalangi]

A bit of background first, he used to go out walks, worked part time, went to restaurants, shops etc. He and my mum split about 5 years ago, he didn't cope well with it. Got some help.
Fast forward to now, he won't go out at all unless it's to the local shop that's about a 5 minute walk and takes the dog out a few times a day for max 10 minutes at a time. He still gets help from gp. He's also lost a lot of weight and won't eat, sleeps when he's not out or watches the news. He's 67 so not exactly really old.
He lives with my brother and he has tried to help by saying let's go here or there the answer is always no or I can't. Also said to him he would cook his meals so he wouldn't have to said no to that too.
My brother and his fiancee have also just had a baby and I can't help but feel he's being a bit unfair to them as they're constantly worrying about him and got a newborn.
Me and my dp have also tried to help and have spoke to him on a number of occasions.
So does anyone have any advice?
Do we just accept he doesn't want help?

No one?

Unfortunately he is a grown adult and if he doesn't want help then you can't force it upon him.

Why did he and your mum split? I'm guessing she did everything for him?

He needs to sort himself out. You can't do it for him. Offer to have him round for family occasions etc. But don't go over and above to help him. He is chosing to live this way.

Unless he is depressed, and will take treatment, you have to let him live the life he chooses.

Why do they live together? Who does the house belong to?

Could you look for an event, maybe even a tv programme related to an interest he used to have. I know it is extra difficult just now because not everything is open yet. Did he have any outdoor type interests?

I dont think watching the news is best for him. There is not much good news around just now.

Would he watch films on the tv/dvd? Particularly comedies.
Are there any local dog owners who might encourage a group dog walk to slightly more distant parts of his area?
Would he be interested in something like U3A or other groups. It is hard to join with groups but most are very welcoming.
Just a few suggestions. Sorry they are not very exciting

@Ihavethesamedress
My mum went abroad to have a fling with some guy. She didn't do everything for him though done most of the cooking.
We invite him he will say yes occasionally.

@Garraty47
My brother owns the house and that was the agreement they had when my mum left.

@DinosaurDiana
Yes he has depression

@User57327259
Thank you for your suggestions.
He took up bowls before covid hit but he's not been back since.
We've tried with other suggestions but he just says no, even refusing to get a hair cut it's getting ridiculous

He sounds very depressed.
Not quite sure what’s to be done about it but I think he needs to see his GP and maybe some help and medication.

He sounds very depressed.

Not quite sure what’s to be done about it but I think he needs to see his GP and maybe some help and medication

I was going to say this as well. Sometimes when you're depressed you just can't see that you are or if you do, you can't see a way out of it.

What does your DB & DSIL say?

How would you feel about calling his GP and telling them how concerned you are about his MH? I did this for a family member and the GP wrote to them asking them to come in for a "medicine review and health check".

He's had referrals etc but nothing seems to work my DB goes with him appointments and tells them things my dad won't.

Db and dsil try to include him and get him out and about but as time goes on its getting worse.

He's had referrals etc but nothing seems to work my DB goes with him appointments and tells them things my dad won't.

How is he if you talk to him? Are you able to say that you are really concerned and that you don't want to see him living like this?

He listens but then will cry and say he's sorry etc.
We're also worried he will get worse when my ds goes to school as he has him 2 mornings, he enjoys watching him and ds likes going.
We're all at our wits end.

He listens but then will cry and say he's sorry etc. Is he willing to do anything about it though? If he's not willing to change, I think that you're going to have to accept that this is how he wants to live or his life.

Maybe DS could work the magic for your dad. Suggest places DS would like Grandad to take up.

You mentioned that he took up bowling prior to covid. I took that to be grass bowling. What about 10 pin bowling? There are devices in our local 10 pin bowling that can be used by little children or people who are limited for various reasons.
If your dad got like this during covid he could be very anxious and fearful about covid and not wanting to mix with others.

@BunnyRuddington
He says he needs help and he wants to be able to do things again but we're all at a loss on what else we can try.

@User57327259
We've also said to ds to ask him if he could go to the park and always says no, the park is on the way to ds nursery so not really sure about his reasoning behind it.
I think covid has a part in it as that's when he got worse as I said he won't even go for a haircut or to the supermarket that's about 10 minutes walk away.

He sounds very very depressed.. maybe he should be seen a therapist weekly to help get him back to his old self.

@MarshmallowSwede
He already sees a therapist.

I feel like I'm just shooting down every suggestion but we've tried everything. Do we just accept that he's not going to get better?

Do we just accept that he's not going to get better?

I think that depends on how motivated he is to change. If you have tried many things and he's just not engaging there will come a point where you do have to accept it, yes. Although that might not be easy.

I think he needs purpose and structure.

I’d be very wary of family trying to help by doing things for him (that he can do) or going with him every time etc

I’ve seen many become dependent this way which made the anxiety worse.

He might need a challenge, a cause, volunteering or a project.

@BunnyRuddington
I see where you're coming from you've been very helpful, thank you, it will be hard to accept, both myself and db have lots going on so it is very hard to attempt to look out for him too.

He might need a challenge, a cause, volunteering or a project

He used to have a part time job but as soon as he became retiring age he gave it up.

Age concern has a companionship / counseling service which you could refer him for. They are discreet & well trained 'to talk' - it may offer him an independent ear.

Is them living together a permanent thing?

Does your DB mind?

I feel sorry for your brother but more so your SIL. I reckon I'd be gone if I were in her shoes. Is he on medication? If so can you all be sure he's taking it? Could he stay with you for a a while? Given he's close to your dc he might feel more useful and it would give your brother and SIL time to spend enjoying their new baby, without having to consider him being in the house.

@mug2018
Oh I didn't know that, thanks we will honestly try anything.
@Garraty47
Yes it's a permanent thing, I think he may be getting annoyed now I know my dsil is.
@Notaroadrunner
Yes he's on medication, we know he at least takes one because it makes his drowsy but because he doesn't eat it completely knocks him out after an hour.
Unfortunately can't stay with us for a bit, we have a 3 bed house ds has his own room and we also have a almost 5 month old and dp works from home so the spare room is an office and we wouldn't have space for a bed and all dps work equipment.