Girlfriends anxiety around my son

[Hayden1712]

Hi

My girlfriend and myself both have a son from previous relationship aged 8. We have been together around a year and a half and introduced our boys after we were together 6 months. Although I have bonded with her son she has struggled with my son.

At first they got on fine but I feel a lot of negativity by his mum around him about my new relationship (as we were only split a few months before I moved on and was very bitter about this)
Had pushed him into a shell and also he started to act out and misbehave. Over the last few months I have worked massively with my son and got him on track. However now my girlfriends anxiety is driven at being around my son. She genuinely feels panicky being in the same room as him and she stays away the 3 night a week I have him
I have and will be so supportive with my girlfriend and her mental health but this can only go on so long.

Has anyone got anyway of trying to rectify this.

Her staying away when you have your son won't help them bond at all although I do think giving you and your son some time alone is needed maybe agree for her to stay one of the nights?

Has she got her own home? Where does she stay? Does it really matter if she would rather have time on her own (presumably with her own DS, where does he live ? It also gives you time on your own with your DS which must be good for him? It does sound as though you voted on very quickly after your break up, must be very tough for your DS.

He is a child - ultimately your girlfriend has to want things to improve too. Mental health struggles are challenging of course, but her mental health is not going to be your priority whilst you have such a young child.

It sounds like it's too soon to integrate all round for everyone. Wait a while longer before trying to re-introduce everyone.

In the kindest possible way, you had not long ended a long term relationship. Your exW is causing an atmosphere which your child has picked up on and in addition to this you and your current girlfriend have only been together for a short while. It may be that this relationship might not last, I would be wary of introducing my child to someone as a romantic partner if there was a chance they would not be a permanent and positive fixture.

If your child is already having a rough time and acting out etc, having someone around who is struggling with their own anxiety/mental health issues might make things worse.

Too much, too soon, and you're making it all about what you want, not what's best for your son and your girlfriend. You want an immediate happy families and that's just not realistic. Your girlfriend is probably having issues with your son because of his past behaviour. Who could blame her? Take a step back and take things slowly. What's the big rush, anyway?

Within a year you had split with his mum and introduced him to a new woman. Of course he wasn't in a good place.

In all honesty you've probably messed it up to the point where you and your girlfriend should split.

Around now should have been the point you introduced them.

You can't blame your ds for feeling as he does, and its unfair to have someone in your life who's anxiety is triggered by your kid.

Maybe I’ve missed something, why is your GF panicky around him?