Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I being unreasonable?

12 replies

SM310 · 29/06/2021 14:37

My husband and I have planned to spend a week at his parents holiday home, just me him and the kids in the summer. It’s only an hours drive away from us and my husbands friends also have a caravan nearby. He has been planning with his friends to spend a day surfing, dining and boozing during our getaway and I’ve been asking him what the plans are so I can arrange to do something that day with the kids and avoid wasting a day of our holiday sitting around the house.
This resulted in a full blown argument of him accusing me of not wanting him to see his mates, and believes I don’t like his friends. We have in the past had arguments relating to his actions and behaviours when he is with them (going out, drinking, not knowing when he will be home)
Am I being unreasonable for asking about his plans and making comments about not wanting to waste a day of our holiday so that he can see his mates??

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 29/06/2021 14:40

Can’t you have a day each?

It’s a family holiday so ideally you spend most of it all together but there’s nothing wrong with having a day each to do your own thing while the other has the kids.

Why wouldn’t he see his friends if they’ll be nearby? I’m sure you can organise a day with the kids by yourself.

I wouldn’t have a problem with this at all if I got a day or two half days to myself so it’s fair.

FetchezLaVache · 29/06/2021 14:46

It doesn't sound like there's much in this day out with his mates for you and the kids. He probs just wants you there for the lift home. Tell him if he can't commit to a particular day, you'll make arrangements for your day to yourself now and he can work round you.

Longestfewdaysupcoming · 29/06/2021 14:46

Why can’t he have a day with his mates and you have a day doing your own thing?

Itsstartingtorainout · 29/06/2021 14:49

So he’s kicking off because you asked him which day, not that you’ve told him he can’t? If that is the case then he’s being a dick.

Longestfewdaysupcoming · 29/06/2021 14:49

Depends how far in advance he holiday is. If it’s weeks and weeks away and can see why he wouldn’t want a plan yet

merryhouse · 29/06/2021 14:52

I'm not entirely sure where the problem lies - is he refusing to tell you which day is planned? because that would be very annoying if you want to book anything at all, for any of the days not just the one he's not there.

Is there anything you can do that doesn't need pre-booking? When I was little we spent most days at the beach so that wouldn't have been a problem, but H's family thinks spending all day at the beach is ridiculous. Could you take them to the cinema, or to an amusement park (you don't say how old they are)?

FetchezLaVache · 29/06/2021 14:53

@Longestfewdaysupcoming, aye but you have to book almost everything so far in advance atm, I don't think it's unreasonable to be looking to do that now, tbh.

Longestfewdaysupcoming · 29/06/2021 14:54

I booked dinner for Thursday today. I must be weird.

MilduraS · 29/06/2021 15:10

Am I being unreasonable for asking about his plans and making comments about not wanting to waste a day of our holiday so that he can see his mates??

It depends on how you worded it. I could see how the phrase "waste a day SO he can see his mates" would set him off on one. Particularly if you've argued about them before. The rest of your post sounds more like "I don't want to waste a days holiday WHILE he is seeing his mates and would like to make other plans"

Mossley · 07/04/2022 19:51

I'm really looking for some advice regarding this, and also ideally to confirm whether I'm justified in my miffed-ness or am I really just becoming a moody bitter old fart.

To give some context to this, I used to have a very well paid job, but took a demotion to take a home based role, so I could care for my mother. After she died I found other work but was made redundant during covid, I then became unwell and so left the new employment I'd recently started in order to recuperate.

My career has consequently nosedived and now I'm working as a carer for people in their own homes. I love the work but the pay is terrible and I have to work long hours to try and earn a living wage and the work is often exhausting.

So.....I have a close friend who has recently started a relationship, the person he is seeing moved into his house after literally a few weeks and then suddenly, they bought a puppy. I told them when they got the dog that having a pet was a huge commitment and they needed to fully commit to looking after it.

Anyway, the dog is now 5 mnths old and my friend asked me recently if I would look after it for 10 days while he went on holiday with his new beau. I refused, citing the long hours I work and the fact I have a 17 year old cat and it wouldn't be fair on her. I told them to make alternative arrangements, which they duly did, but suddenly just before the holiday, they said their dog sitting arrangement had fallen through and begged me to look after the dog.

They practically turned up at my house with the dog and its belongings, leaving me in a real predicament where I felt I had no other choice but to take the dog.

The upshot is, they are now sunning themselves in Fuerteventura while I am stressed out looking after their dog. My cat is very unhappy and is staying upstairs in the house, not eating and not coming downstairs which has really upset me.

Additionally, I am having to refuse overtime in work because I can't leave the dog on it's own for such prolonged periods of time and I'm also having to dash home in between seeing clients to try and toilet/walk the dog which is stressful and tiring.

The situation has left me feeling angry, used, stressed and really upset. The dog is well behaved and cute, but high maintenance and when I dashed home to walk it today, it had vomited, and so my lunch hour was spent cleaning up.

I think part of me feels quite bitter because I am really struggling financially now and just can't afford a holiday and my friend is paid extremely well and the reality is, looking after his dog is costing me money in lost overtime that I desperately need.

So lovely people, am I entitled to feel the way I do or do I need to lighten up? My friend is lovely and we are close friends but I can't help feeling he has abused the friendship and failed to appreciate my current circumstances. Thanks for your wisdom and advice and be kind x

FetchezLaVache · 07/04/2022 19:55

@Mossley you really need to start a new thread, but FWIW, no you don't need to lighten up, your friend and her BF are absolute fucking piss-takers and if anything, you should be really angry.

Mossley · 07/04/2022 23:19

Bugger I thought I had started a new thread, thanks for letting me know and thanks for the support :-)

New posts on this thread. Refresh page