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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sick of husband being mardy when ill

15 replies

Lsvxisnqoh · 29/06/2021 12:31

I feel absolutely horrible saying this but I just have to write it down. My husband and I had been going through a bad patch to the point of nearly separating. We sorted it all out and have decided to try again. Everything has been amazing for a few weeks, like a honeymoon period again I guess, until he has been struck down with food poisening/stomach bug or such like.
We are currently on day 8 of his illness (no one else in the house is ill at all). He was very poorly initially which of course I was very worried about and cared for him, fetched and carried for him, ran the house and looked after the kids whilst he was in bed.
But now 8 days later he's still off work, saying he feels too weak to do anything, the other symptoms have gone. He's lying on the sofa all day under a blanket watching t whilst I do everything. There's resentment growing and him being mardy all the time is a big turn off for me.
I've snapped at him this morning and have had to come out for a bit because I'm getting upset that this illness has thrown a spanner in the works of the recovery of our relationship. I know its not his fault, it's me being stupid.
We were being very sexual and intimate and affectionate, which we haven't been for over 5 years. And now we are back to not even touching each other etc because of germs etc. Feeling really irrationally upset tbh!!

OP posts:
Ihavethesamedress · 29/06/2021 12:33

Is he really ill or is he milking it?!

Tell him to go to the doctor. Stop doing everything. Stop pandering to him. See how he acts.

Call me cynical, but I wonder if its an act.

Lsvxisnqoh · 29/06/2021 12:42

We've been together for a very long time and whenever he gets any kind of illness he always drags it on.
If the whole family have a stomach bug, his is the worst. If we all have a cold his ends up like the flu. We had the covid jabs, I wasn't well for 2 days, he wasn't well for a week. I don't know if he does it on purpose, if he is just mard, or if he is just very unhealthy and gets everything worse than everyone else!!
I just want to get back to trying to make the relationship work, and it's on hold again. I

OP posts:
CaptSkippy · 29/06/2021 12:44

He's acting like a big baby. How unattractive. He's using it as an excuse not to pull his weight around the house as an adult.

EKGEMS · 29/06/2021 13:03

Some people can be just horrible when sick but he's a freaking drama Queen! I can honestly say sick or well,you can set boundaries and demand respect-was one of the hardest traits to learn as a new registered nurse back in the dinosaur age. Well done for telling him off-be sure to take care of yourself

Justcallmebebes · 29/06/2021 14:56

This would drive me mad. Either he is genuinely still ill in which case he needs a doctor or he needs to get a grip and grow up

Justcallmebebes · 29/06/2021 14:58

I can't abide competitive illness. My mother was a genius at it. Only time in my life I was really ill I had malaria - she claimed she had it far worse and had dengue fever

MorriseysGladioli · 29/06/2021 15:01

I'd make him a doctor's appointment.
The poor lamb, he can't carry on being so very ill for so long.

covidcloser · 29/06/2021 15:04

I had campylobacter last year and I cannot stress how absolutely awful and also long lasting it was.

You seem to be mixing up your relationship issues with his not being well, that's not really fair. The relationship is another matter. I don't know if your DH is still unwell or being a cunt but it's important you realise both are possible.

Peach1886 · 29/06/2021 15:07

You have my sympathies, my DH is like this and it is deeply, deeply unattractive!

Having looked after him so well at the start I agree with a PP that you continue in your solicitous role and book your DH a doctor's appointment...he'll almost certainly miraculously recover and say he doesn't need it...in which case he can get his mardy arse off the sofa and help with family life...

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 29/06/2021 15:32

He should have tests to see what it is, no way your average stomach virus or even food poisoning lasts that long. But if its salmonella, campylobacter, Yersinia etc he may need medication.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 29/06/2021 15:33

Imo start vacuuming and tell him he needs to go to bed..
Close the door and frankly enjoy the peace...

Karmalady · 29/06/2021 15:44

If he really is poorly, after this time, he needs to get it checked out medically. Some stomach bugs are serious, and can cause long term problems, untreated.

If he’s just being a drama Queen, ignore him.

Some men and women always seem to make a full scale drama out of things like stomach bugs, flu, pregnancy etc….but some are genuinely in need of medical help.

If he’s no better tomorrow, best contact the GP.

frozendaisy · 29/06/2021 15:46

Send him to bed.

Enjoy the rest of the house.

He will recover quicker if he's not getting moody with everyone.

Take him a tea every now and again.

DismantledKing · 29/06/2021 15:51

@covidcloser

I had campylobacter last year and I cannot stress how absolutely awful and also long lasting it was.

You seem to be mixing up your relationship issues with his not being well, that's not really fair. The relationship is another matter. I don't know if your DH is still unwell or being a cunt but it's important you realise both are possible.

Yeah, I had campylobacter once. Nearly shit myself inside out for 2 weeks. Very unpleasant.
Lsvxisnqoh · 30/06/2021 10:18

Spoken to go this morning, needs to take a stool sample in. He's alot better today thank goodness

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