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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating - How to broach this? Is it a big NO?

30 replies

bopbopbopbop · 29/06/2021 09:23

Sorry new here but wanted to get more of a female perspective if that's okay (appreciate there are plenty of men on here, so your opinion is also welcome Smile).

Myself and my ex split up quite a while ago (we have two kids). Have been pretty much housemates for years (no physical contact of any kind since 2018) but then Covid hit and we found ourselves trapped (neither could afford to move out). We made it official a few months ago (when lockdown ended) and our house has sold but not yet completed, so we are still living together and will be for the next 2 months or so (hopefully less).

My ex has started dating, and has said she doesn't have an issue if I do too. I signed up to a dating site but couldn't decide if it would be better to wait until I was in my own place or not and kept pausing and unpausing my account. During one of the unpaused times I was contacted by someone and we've chatted by text and she wants to meet.

My current situation hasn't really come up in general conversation, so I don't know if I should mention it before we meet, during the meet or afterwards if there is something there and we get on. How big a problem would people find it? I've asked a few friends (mostly male) and some have said it's not a big deal and to just be honest before meeting but most have said to see how it goes first. One sighed and said I should have waited and it was bad.

I feel I should be honest and say something before meeting but what does anyone else think? Major problem or not really an issue given the last year?

OP posts:
Thewr0ngtrousers · 29/06/2021 17:11

@DrinkingWishingSmokingHoping

You’d benefit from joining the Dating Thread (look in the Relationship forum listing for the most recent one) *@bopbopbopbop* - plenty of straight talking good advice to be had in there. Smile
Thanks
bopbopbopbop · 29/06/2021 17:16

@DrinkingWishingSmokingHoping

You’d benefit from joining the Dating Thread (look in the Relationship forum listing for the most recent one) *@bopbopbopbop* - plenty of straight talking good advice to be had in there. Smile
I'll have a look through, which one is it?
OP posts:
category12 · 30/06/2021 21:32

It would put me right off.

I'd be worried that you were actually not single.

I'd be worried that you were hoping to find a place to live, not just a date.

Don't you think it would be better to sort your life out before dragging other people into it?

isthismylifenow · 30/06/2021 21:45

I think you need to be up front, but I think it's going to limit your dates.

Because this is a line that guys pull all the time. The married ones who want a bit on the side. So I steer clear of any men who are seperated yet living with their spouse. Unfortunately a lot of guys have made it very difficult for those who are genuinely in that situation.

So yes, I would say you need to tell her soonest.

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