I simply don't know what to do anymore. I'm at the end of my tether, and I can't get out of my own head enough to work out what the right thing to do is. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Long story short, DS is 3 and a half. His father and I were in a committed relationship and he was a planned baby. His father walked out on both of us when he was just shy of 5 months old and has shown minimal interest in him since. Only pays child support because I pursued it, doesn't buy him anything (including Christmas or birthday presents, or even a card), never asks after him either through me or through his own family members with whom I have a great relationship and who see my DS regularly.
I tried and tried for literally years to encourage him to see our son, and he simply isn't interested. He told me he 'couldn't handle being a father', but has had multiple flings/relationships with women who have children. Through mutual friends I'm aware that he's been in a relationship with a woman who he now lives with for about 18 months, who has an 8 year old daughter. Evidently he's heavily involved in the care of this child, takes her to school, on holidays, to sports, etc.
In April of this year, I had arranged our monthly visit with my DS' father's family (my DS grandfather and Aunt, who he adores). After some consideration, I invited my son's father along (playdate and dinner at the park). I honestly didn't think he would come, but he actually showed up. He had some interaction with DS, and made lots of noise about wanting to have a relationship with him, to start seeing him more, how he thinks about him all the time. I had introduced him to DS by his name only, as my son has literally no idea who he is. We parted ways that day with DS' father telling me he would contact me to arrange further contact.
I waited exactly one month, then messaged him asking why he hadn't been in contact, and got a lot of waffle back about how he thought I should contact him, and he wasn't sure if it would be respectful to contact me, etc. In the end, I simply told him that him pursuing or making contact in regards to having a relationship with his son was 100% up to him.
We arranged a meet-up at the park, which he cancelled because he would be 'too tired after work'. He asked to reschedule so I agreed, making it clear that he needed to commit to a time. We arranged for last Saturday. He was then offered a shift at work, and took that instead, messaging me to cancel. Complicating matters is the fact that we actually work together ( I am a manager in the company) and he regularly turns down shifts to care for his partner's daughter, take holidays, etc.
He's still trying to tell me that he suddenly wants a relationship with DS, but I'm so fed up. He prioritises literally everything over DS, and has since he was born. He pays the absolute minimum amount of child support, and is the most selfish person I've ever met, but I want to do the best thing for my son. I desperately want to drop all contact with him, but I'm hesitant.
If anyone has any advice, I'd be most grateful.