Husband and new puppy

[bluemoon1992]

Hi everyone. My head is in the shed right now and need some advice please . 5 weeks ago I finally got a puppy that I have always wanted . My husband payed for her and even offered to buy one before I was even looking .

I made sure that we had a talk and made him see that I did not want a dog if I was to be the only one looking after her as I work long hours in a demanding job . He was adamant he would help and the only thing he could not do is clean up poo.

I felt ready by this point so went to get her . The 1st few days I thought everything was going well . She didn't sleep in the nights for 2 weeks unless I was sleeping next to her so that was hard work but it was me who had sleepless nights not him .I didn't complain once either . She is a baby after all . One night she started whining because I attempted to go to bed and sleep and his head went he started shouting saying he wish he hadn't got her and that he was going to leave me . We have been together 13 years . He didn't go .

I noticed that he was losing interest in her quickly and now it's got to the point where all he does is sit on the sofa and just look at her with a fed up face . He won't do anything with her . Ta an effort for him to look at what she's doing when I ask him too or even to stroke her when I say say goodnight to her . In all honesty I didn't realise having a puppy would be this hard . I have been feeling really down the last 2 weeks but I think it's because it's a big change . I adore her and play with her constantly. Even when I'm half dead .

I just feel so disheartened. He's actually making me feel more depressed because of the way he's acting . He barely talks to me anymore just constantly looks fed up . Has anyone else gone through the same and do they change ? Thankyou

How old is she op?

Do your research with trainers, although I'm glad you aren't still using the one who said she was dominating.

But - she isn't a little madam - she simply doesn't have the capability to be a little madam. She's a puppy who is working out what life is all about. Stop trying to 'humanise' her bad behaviours.

Your husband is highly unlikely to improve/help. I'd bet my house he won't.

Considering you have a demanding job it will be very difficult to physically and mentally occupy even a comparatively low needs puppy, so you will see bad and problematic behaviours in addition to needing to put in considerable effort and time for training. Also, one dog could have much worse separation anxiety than another, training isn't a magic bullet, they still have physical and emotional needs that need to be met. This is the next 10+ years of your life and all your pup's life, if I were you I would really consider if you can commit to that.

Alot of her behaviour is because she isn't sleeping. Which is where crates come in handy - for puppies who won't sleep.

But crate training needs to be done properly, it's a tool. Not a punishment.

Biting inhibition, is a pain to stop. But you need to be consistent and patient.

A golden retriever is a working dog. While they made by laid back, they need lot of brain work and activity.

I have 2 calm cockers. One is working and one is a working/show cross. They are really calm. But it's because I have working dogs my entire life so am used to what they need.

Working dogs when puppies are generally very difficult. Because they are a working dog with little training.

Police trainers are good. But I feel, you may not like some of the techniques. You do need to toughen up. It's really difficult. It's easy to baby them. But they aren't babies. You need to get the balance between binding and giving them the care a young pup needs but not treat them like a baby to the point, they don't know how to behave.

They grow quicker, mature quicker and they are animals. A 12 week old baby isn't going to try and bite your face or rip you arm the shreds

@CassiopeaAndromeda

Your husband is highly unlikely to improve/help. I'd bet my house he won't.

Considering you have a demanding job it will be very difficult to physically and mentally occupy even a comparatively low needs puppy, so you will see bad and problematic behaviours in addition to needing to put in considerable effort and time for training. Also, one dog could have much worse separation anxiety than another, training isn't a magic bullet, they still have physical and emotional needs that need to be met. This is the next 10+ years of your life and all your pup's life, if I were you I would really consider if you can commit to that.

This is an excellent point.

This type of dog needs more than mum or dad popping in or a dog walker once a day. When they are much older, it might be enough. But that's not for a long while.

I just feel so down . I'm in work now but just want to go home . I love her so much . I feel like every thing is just left to me as usual and I feel so overwhelmed by it all . I had a breakdown last year and what I can't understand is my husband seen how bad I was and that was to do with work and also not stopping when I got home and now he's seeing my struggle trying to do everything and still not helping or even lifting his head up from his phone to even care . I literally got the pup in one hand and I am steaming the floor with the other . I am holding on to when I can take her out for walks . I'm thinking maybe that might calm her down. Also she won't be visited once or twice A day when I'm in work she will be full time down my parents house

Your husband sounds pathetic to me. Is this the first bit of proper responsibility his ever had ? And he can't cope with it. So what would he do if it was a baby screaming all night just stare at it and be horrible to you ? It's easy for someone to be a great guy when they've had zero commitment to step up to. His show his true colours get rid of him his not a real man is he keep the dog tho

id rather keep the puppy and get rid of him to be fair , he sounds worse than a petulant teenager

Just read your update on the pup. Ok please stop worrying this is all normal. You sound like your doing great for her. Believe me mine drive me insane till she could go out for walks. That really is the key. They need wearing out just like toddlers. It sounds like you have a great bond with her so take her to a secure field and let her go. Keep calling her back and giving her treats and she will get the hang of it. She will be so much calmer indoors for it. Ours had a run every morning and evening and she was absolutely fine Good luck

Please don’t use a trainer that says your dog is attempting to dominate you, very outdated ‘theory’

@Skyla2005

Just read your update on the pup. Ok please stop worrying this is all normal. You sound like your doing great for her. Believe me mine drive me insane till she could go out for walks. That really is the key. They need wearing out just like toddlers. It sounds like you have a great bond with her so take her to a secure field and let her go. Keep calling her back and giving her treats and she will get the hang of it. She will be so much calmer indoors for it. Ours had a run every morning and evening and she was absolutely fine Good luck

❤️ Thankyou so much your reply has cheered me up . We do have a great bond 😊 she is dying to go outside too also she is obsessed with the children in my street ! There's about 5 little girls and she will cry and claw at the door to go out to see them . This is everyday ha ha she sits in our passage with them . They also knocked for her lastnight ha ha . She's an absolute sweetheart with them . No biting or anything at all so I don't have to worry about that thankgod . As for the no lead she's amazing off it . My parents have a huge garden . We run around it and when I stop she does . As for the calling back .... il defo have to bribe her with food lol . X

Your dh needs to be totally on board with the puppy , it's not fair for her to be living with someone who views her as a complete pain and inconvenience. Though from what you have said about him I know which one of them I would rather live with and it's not the 2 legged variety .

Having a puppy/dog is a huge responsibility. We got ours 3 years ago and yes the first few months are the worst for nipping and sleeping. We crate trained our border collie which went really well and he slept in his crate happily at night and in the daytime when left alone, which was never more than 3 hours. Routine is good for dogs and when you can start walking her, stick to a routine that suits you. Classes and training will help you all. I’m sorry that your husband isn’t helping out, which is a shame as having a pet is a family commitment.

@bluemoon1992

Sorry she is a golden retriever. I think I must of been reading all my research wrong because I constantly come across everyone saying they are a very calm laid back breed . Not this one 😂

This was after the dog was screaming crying for me . The dog is obsessed with me . I can't leave her site or she's hysterical.

I thought it was going to be a bichon. Labs do bite a lot as puppies, mine would chew in his sleep. He would nibble until he drew blood, it hurt, it’s normal. I hired a behaviourist and she told me I should’ve researched the breed better we got there on the end. Took four months of hard work. Best dog I’ve ever had!
Your other half sounds awful, no wonder the poor dog hates him. Having a pet is a family commitment not one person’s job, he needs to come on board. Take her for a short walk once a day and give her some treats.

The difficult puppy stage is short compared to the years of companionship you'll have from an adult dog. It sounds as though you're putting the work in now to train her, which is great, and it really will pay off in the long term when you have a well-adjusted and happy adult.

I think maybe you need to play some games in the house with her. Do you have "easy peasy puppy squeezy"? It's very good about all the training. Anyway, things like getting her to sit then hiding a treat or a toy to sniff out.
Also get her some chews, antlers are good. And I found at that age the recycling bin was a godsend - puppy could chew milk bottles, cardboard etc. In fact a good game is to put some biscuits in a milk bottle and leave her to get them out.
Then get a stair gate or similar and go and do something in another bit of the house for 5 mins. Don't say goodbye or praise her when you come back. Just act normal. She'll get used to you leaving.

Dogs are just such amazing animals and I look after many as my job is full on and demanding. Due to knowing my job is full on I realised that having a dog full time, who was left for an amount of time or was being fostered out day after day with dog walkers or family I just thought it would be unfair. However, your loneliness with your husband who doesn't want to engage in walks with you has led you to purchase this lovely puppy. What you are experiencing is exactly what puppies do. Training will be essential but you really need to figure out what you are going to do in September when your daughter leaves. Your husband has made his intentions clear. He will not step up for now so you are now in an exhausting job, running a home, daughter, lazy husband and now a puppy. No wonder you are tearful. Take on the other posters advise with training/crating etc. I absolutely adore the dogs I look after, they have bought nothing but joy to my life. I hope you can get through this stage and start to really enjoy the huge benefits of being a dog owner. As for your husband? Well, thats for you to choose who you would rather be with!

You’ve had some great advice here. I don’t know what to say about your husband, it sounds difficult and unpleasant (and not you or the puppy’s fault). My lovely lab mix was exhausting as a puppy, cried when I went to the loo etc- all normal puppy stuff but it can feel overwhelming when you’re the one with most of the responsibility. Just to assure you it does get better and the reward for the trying puppy times is a lovely dog who you’ve brought up!
Your set up with her going to your parents when you’re at work sounds great. When the puppy nips, make sure you say “ow” and stand up or move back, to show that it hurt and that you don’t like being nipped (not punishing or shouting). And make sure you praise gentle behaviour. They’re incredibly smart and will learn. If pup is too young for walks, you could take her out in a backpack on your front and show her the world- that will tire her out. We took our boy out a lot to get him used to different places etc. It’s good when you can still carry them! Oh and frozen kongs with no fat cottage cheese are great to keep pup occupied for fifteen mins.

I'm guessing she's between 13-15 weeks? (As you said you got her 5 weeks ago).
She really is too young to be left for 3 hours a day OP. It's no wonder she is your shadow and hates being separated; she doesn't know if you'll leave for hours.
Is there any way you could get a sitter / ask your parents to watch her?

I think you’ve got a few issues here.

Firstly, your puppy does sound like hard work sorry. Assuming you got him at 8 weeks, our puppy is a week older (14 weeks) and he doesn’t cry like that. He naps regularly in his crate and sleeps all night. He goes into his crate quite happily and although he can be bitey when he’s tired he doesn’t go for faces. Being able to go out for a walk has helped massively as has being able to have natural chews like pizzle sticks. He absolutely does understand ‘no bite!’ and he will stop. He goes in his crate with a likimat while we eat our tea but if he’s out when we’re eating he just sits and watches us but doesn’t beg or anything. Then when we’ve finished, he gets a little bit of what we’ve eaten if appropriate or a treat as a reward for not hassling us. I’m not saying all this to gloat, just that it is possible to stop the behaviours that are upsetting you.

One thing we are working on is that if he’s playing on his own, we ignore him so that he learns to play on his own happily. This is a hard lesson for us as you feel like you should always be playing with him or training him!

I do get your issues with your DH as mine is being useless too. He has literally 30 seconds of patience and expects a perfectly well behaved puppy to be delivered to him so he can throw a ball for him a few times and give him a belly rub. TBH he’s the same as a father, I think he’d love to be a wealthy Victorian parent 🙈. This morning was a great example as DS was running late for his bus and the puppy was being a low level pain. You know, it’s been one of those days where nothing is in the right place and you keep forgetting things, I had to chase DS down the street with his lunch in my PJs 😂. Instead of helping, DH just got stressed and when puppy tried to run up the stairs after DS, he literally growled in anger! Of course it was all my fault for ‘letting’ him run upstairs but of course he was going to when DS and I were running around like headless chickens! And it’s not the end of the world really is it? Eventually, he did try to take puppy into the living room and because he didn’t straight away he said, “I hate this effing dog!” All of it could have been stopped by DH just having a little bit of foresight and taking puppy into the living room for the 10 minutes it took to get DS out of the door.

Post-puppy depression. My friend had this and said it was worse than when she had her baby.

She now loves her dog more than anything so hang in there.

Her dp wasn't overly enamoured either and it's definitely 'her' dog but it doesn't cause issues anymore now that the dog is grown up and easier to manage.

He is the laziest sod I have ever come across . I do absolutely everything for home . Basically he comes home from work and sits either on his laptop or watching football .

Is this really someone you want to spend your life with, regardless of the puppy situation?

He doesn't sound like he respects you at all tbh. He sounds like a miserable, selfish bastard!

How much research did you do if you didn't expect a puppy to be like this? As everyone says it's like this.

Also if he won't do poop how much is he actually able to help? He can't walk her as you have to clean up after your dog. So I'm not sure how you expected her to fit with your long hours?

Equally he sounds really immature, like he's stropping at the dog being an inconvenience.

Our puppy broke my marriage. He wanted a dog (me too but it was to be his dog). He agreed to walk the dog and look after him. We sat outside on puppy pick up day and I checked he knew how hard a puppy would be and he still wanted one. He said yes.

2 weeks after we got him and he was fed up. Apparently he’d changed his mind. We struggled on and when the dog was 6 months old we split up. It wasn’t the only thing wrong with my marriage it was the last straw.

Now divorced over 2 years. Me and dog are still in love! He keeps my bed warm and provides lovely doggy morning kisses. So much better than a husband!

Got to add that the puppy stage was HARD, mega mega hard! I didn’t expect it to be that hard and I researched a lot. I’ve lived with dogs so I knew what a dog was like but a puppy was a new order of magnitude harder.

I think however much research you do, the reality of a puppy can hit you quite hard. I remember thinking what have I done? when mine wouldn't settle at night and so on.

That was 15 years ago and once the first few difficult weeks were over, we had years of joy with our darling dog. He passed away last year and we still miss him every day.

Perservere, OP, and you will be rewarded with one of the best friends you'll ever have.