Dating a Women who doesn't have/want children

[JPLeeds]

I'm a Man with two children who I have 3 or more nights a week. I've met someone very recently who I do like but she has mentioned that she likes children but likes the peace when they go home. I've always thought it would be nice to find someone that wants to go away with the children and myself (I would not have enough money/time for two holidays) Can someone give me some advice and tell me if I'm being unreasonable thinking about this?

@JPLeeds you are not being unreasonable, however you cannot change her feelings either. Maybe have a chat and tell her this? It could be that you live very different lives and are not compatible long term.
I have recently split with my bf due to the same thing (he had children, I don’t) long term it is not what I wanted.

Tbh you sound quite sensible and i think you know what the best thing to do is.
I'm the last person to take relationship advice from right now! You sound like you have your head screwed on. Follow your gut feeling.

I don't think that what she said necessarily means she would never want to go away with you and your children? Maybe ask her?

Loads of parents like the peace when their children are elsewhere for a bit. It’s completely normal someone who’s not a parent feels the same but to a far greater degree. They’re not her children, she hasn’t known them all their lives, the noise and chaos is probably exhausting. Fun and nice at times too but exhausting all the same. You love them unconditionally - you chose to have them - and you can’t expect anyone else to feel the same.

She might fancy the odd trip away with you and them but if she doesn’t that’s okay.

Carry on seeing her if you enjoy each other’s company but keep it casual if you’re not sure you’re in similar places. Don’t push it on spending all your time with your kids with her too, your kids need time with just you and she doesn’t need or probably want to be knee deep in family time half the week.

No one is going to feel the same about them as you do, that’s normal and okay. If she’s nice to them and supports your relationships with them that’s plenty.

Just reread again. How long is very recently? Why is she spending time with them at all if it’s hasn’t been long?

Children were always a 'no' for me in the days when I was single and searching - if she's seeing you in the knowledge you have children I'd assume she's OK with it.

How old are the children? That could make a great deal of difference to the holiday situation. Old enough to amuse themselves and leave you in peace may be fine; if they're young and need constant attention and supervision, to be blunt, it's not going to be much of a holiday for anyone who doesn't love them.

I had been out on group meals with her before Covid struck then we matched on a dating app a few weeks ago. She hasn't seen met my kids since the dating (well except from when I brought them to a meetup 2 years ago) She's very open with questions, like asking if I there was any chance of something more than friends after the first date.

They are 4 and 6 so not really old enough to be left alone. They are quite clingy to me at times and didn't like a girlfriend in the past who didn't like or want kids.

Ask her! She may be willing to get to know you better and see how they get along with the kids. But holidays can be intense with 3 kids and an adult you don’t know well. She may be thinking cosy nights on the balcony and you are covered in kids on the sofa and CBeebies all night.

I don’t either of you are unreasonable per se. Just different thoughts about things and lifestyles. In all honesty l struggle to think of much worse, than going on holiday with someone else’s 4 and 6 year old. It wouldn’t be much a holiday l don’t think

Neither of you are unreasonable.

I’m confused. Has she not seen them in 2 years or does she prefer it now when they’re with their mum?

And not the key issue though perhaps relevant to your judgment, why did you have a girlfriend who didn’t like kids anywhere near your two very young children?

How long have you been split with their mum?

2 years ago she was at one of restaurant meetup (lots of people) where I happened to bring my kids along as I had no childcare and a kids event was there. We never actually talked much or met outside of the group until a match on a dating site in the last month.

It stated that she didn't want children on the site but she said she didn't mind them she just didn't want any of her own.

I split up with my ex-wife in November 2019 (quite an odd break up)

@JPLeeds

2 years ago she was at one of restaurant meetup (lots of people) where I happened to bring my kids along as I had no childcare and a kids event was there. We never actually talked much or met outside of the group until a match on a dating site in the last month.

It stated that she didn't want children on the site but she said she didn't mind them she just didn't want any of her own.

I split up with my ex-wife in November 2019 (quite an odd break up)

Oops make that November 2017.

Neither of you are unreasonable, but you have children and she's not keen on them, so I don't see this as a suitable long term relationship. I think if you are looking for a long term romance with a view to settling down with someone then this woman is not for you.

Thank you everyone for the advise. As expected it didn't work out in the end but I have made a new friend at least.

I’m really curious about why you’re dating women who don’t have/want children/want children in their life when you’re a father? You mention two girlfriends like this.

I don’t have children (by choice, neither my husband nor I ever wanted them) and would never have become involved with a man with kids- I just can’t see how it’d ever work out.

You and your children come as a package, so surely “happy to spend a lot of time with children” is top of your list for a potential girlfriend?

Same as everyone else has said, if someone dosent like children or doesn't want to be going on days out/holidays or live with children long term, then it's never going to work out and is just a waste of time trying to push for it when you could be finding someone more compatible from the start.
Its the same for when people put on their dating profiles that they have children who have an active father and not looking for anyone to get involved in that side of their life, but it impacts the relationship regardless because of the restrictions in what you can and can't do and one will have 7 child free days each week where as the parent may only have a couple free days a week etc

It would put me off, then I’ve always been honest about that.

I don’t particularly enjoy random kids and I’m always happy when they go home and I have a 10year old DD!!

I would happily holiday with a bf and his kids but I wouldn’t want to move in together… ever!

You need to talk together about how you each see your futures. If you want cohabitation, marriage, more kids etc.. and she doesn’t (whether with you or anyone else) then best to go no further!