Heart broken and have to work with him

[bytheway321]

Guy who promised me the world dumped me. We work together it's awful.
He ends it then text saying I love you.

So I went no contact last week and he text me all day constantly I give in and he went on to tell me that we can still be friends.

At work today he kept coming in my office trying to be friendly like nothing happened. I can't even look at him and I just crumble. Tonight he came wouldn't leave me alone said come on can't we get alone. I said leave me get over you. Anther co worker walked in and he wouldn't leave so I said fine I will leave.

I forgot my mobile so I went bk and he was stood in my office and said why would you embarrass me like that. I just stayed quite with tears running down my face.

Then 15 mins later he text me saying I've had advice I won't go any were near you I will just contact you over email.

He ended it. Then wants to be friends and because it's too painful he's awful to me. I feel so down

I don't understand what he's doing

Are you the OW by any chance?

He’s had advice?? Seems extreme given it is perfectly fucking obvious that he should’ve left you alone when it was clear how upset you were, and that’s what you asked for. What a dick.
Break ups are always hard but email only contact is the way forward.

He’s enjoying himself by the sounds of it. Your tears makes him feel like a right catch I bet. What a nasty little prick he is, he’s playing games with you for his own enjoyment. Don’t shit on your own door step is harsh but a good lesson to learn here.
Block him on everything you can and if he continues to harass you at work report him.

How did you guess. Please don't hate me. He told me they were over and then made me feel amazing then told me he hadn't fully broke up with her.

I'm pathetic I know

Is he senior to you and does his wife know?

You've been hadin one ways than one

Ffsin more ways than one

Yes and his gf found out December he's been telling me he can't leave her because of one thing after another. He's carried it on until I started putting pressure on him because he told me we were soul mates and he showed me houses we would move in together with
I'm such a fool

It’s blindingly obvious this was an affair situation because he clearly sees you as someone beneath him who can be strung along

He promised you the earth to hook you in, and now he knows you’re besotted, you’ll get picked up and dropped on a whim depending on his guilt levels and/or if he gets caught

If this hurts, it serves you right for all the hurt you were happy to cause to an innocent party

Wake up and move on. And if you can’t work with him, look for a new job

You had a lucky escape.

And is his superior aware and are you a member of a union?

And if you aren't, join one today.

He's doing it to make himself feel good and look good (hence not liking you "embarrassing" him). I'm sorry you're in this position.

Don't engage with him unless it's about work and conducted in a professional way via work channels.

You need to focus on how you move forward and get yourself to a better place.

If this hurts, it serves you right for all the hurt you were happy to cause to an innocent party

The hurt feelings might be justified. The harassment at work of a superior who engaged in an inappropriate relationship with someone less senior isn't.

Don’t have any sympathy for you or this situation.

And What do you mean you don’t understand what he’s doing? Of course you do. He has a partner and is trying to end it with you bcos he doesn’t want to leave her. He’s also a complete dick and is trying to continue with you until he’s had enough of it and hope that you’ll indulge him in the secrecy.

And you have and now you need to move on, get a new job, whatever it is you need to do to get your life and dignity back.

I bet this isn't his first rodeo.

OP, email contact only. Report aNy harassment to HR. And joining a union might be a good idea too

@MrsTerryPratchett

If this hurts, it serves you right for all the hurt you were happy to cause to an innocent party

The hurt feelings might be justified. The harassment at work of a superior who engaged in an inappropriate relationship with someone less senior isn't.

Where has OP said he is a superior or there was any abuse of power of seniority that coerced her into the affair?

Let’s not invent a backstory to minimise shitty behaviour
OP appears to have known exactly what she was doing and carried this on for HALF A YEAR after the partner discovered it

That’s abhorrent and shows she has zero regards for the feelings of another person

Why all the encouragement to play the victim card now it’s not going her way?

Where has OP said he is a superior or there was any abuse of power of seniority that coerced her into the affair?

In her reply to me she said that yes, he's senior to her.

It's not about the victim card. It's about two issues, the affair gross and horrible. And harassment at work, gross and horrible and one-sided.

In one case she's one of the perpetrators, in the other she's a victim. And I'll stand by any woman harassed at work.

You need to dig deep and find your dignity, tell him never to approach you like that again at work or you're reporting him to HR.

It's no love story, OP, it's a seedy work affair and he's still trying to have his cake and eat it.

Grim.

If he cheated on his wife then he would have cheated on you aswell OP. A leopard never changes its spots. Just reassure yourself that you’ve had a lucky escape and as upset as you feel now, you’ve saved yourself a lot of heartache long term. I just feel sorry for his poor wife who is obviously getting messed about by him as well and is probably oblivious to all of his affairs- because there will be others after you when he gets bored again.

Go low or no contact if you can but DON’T let him lure or sweet talk you back as he’s clearly a lying, cheating dick.

It’s blindingly obvious this was an affair situation because he clearly sees you as someone beneath him who can be strung along

This I'm afraid.

You asked how everyone knew. It's because it's a cliche and script kind of thing - men like him always behave in the same sleazy way to the same sleazy predictable timetable.

You're about to get hoovered up by him.

He made you feel special when you started flirting, then he ramped it up and you felt extra special, but he wouldn't leave his partner because (he's a good guy / doesn't want to upset her / she's mental / it would destroy her mental health / he's staying for the kids - any, all or a combo of those lines), but you kept seeing him because he told you he can't resist you / can't stay away / has never felt like this before, but you start feeling shit because he won't leave her, you also feel guilty and know it's wrong, your self esteem gets so low that now you're seeing him but don't feel special any more you just feel shit about yourself etc etc...

Does that sequence feel familiar?

Being senior to her at work doesn’t automatically make him ‘her superior’ though

In a large organisation with differing pay grades in departments, it’s perfectly normal for someone to be a senior grade to you but have no seniority over your role
I work on projects where the team are all equal in job title but varying grades

Different grades doesn’t mean an automatic abuse of power

OP has also said she ‘put pressure on him’ which could quite easily mean abusive, harassing behaviour, as much as it could mean whining at him to hurry up and leave

But jumping to assumptions about who is to blame in this situation based on very limited information is pure projection by some posters

I would find another job and not repeat the same mistake. You’ll never be respected at that place of work now. Don’t humiliate yourself further.

I’m going to be blunt, yes, you’ve been a fool. Why is he doing this? Easy, he’s an arsehole ex aceloratewho enjoys tormenting you. He’s always been an arsehole, you were just ok with him being an arsehole to someone else. You were in love with a carefully constructed lie, he future faked you, knowing that his bs would accelerate your relationship.

My advice, get your shit together pronto. No one has time for women who get hooked and dumped by the office player. Fake indifference until you can make it.

He’s always been an arsehole, you were just ok with him being an arsehole to someone else.

This a million times

You know he strings women along because you’ve been encouraging and enjoying watching it happen to someone else hoping you would benefit from it

Now the shoe is on the other foot and it’s you on the receiving end of what he was dishing out to his poor poor partner, you’re acting shocked and hurt?