Can someone tell me feels like...

[bubbagunt]

When you are finally free of your emotionally abusive partner?
I am smack bang in the middle of separating from mine, I feel like I'm all alone on a boat on choppy waters desperately holding on for dear life to get to safe dry land, I am just constantly sad and fearful of my future. I know staying in an abusive relationship is no life, and I am 100% sure I'm doing the right thing. The pain just seems never ending! I cry every day and count down the minutes until I can go to sleep. I am obsessing over finding a house to buy ( I'm moving out of the family home ) constantly speaking to Solicitors/mediators/friends so it just feels all consuming. I have little children so stay strong for them when they are with me but it's never far from my thoughts.
If those that are out the other side could fill my head with hope of what freedom feels like and that the pain/fear does go away?

I know all of the feelings you are currently having. I split in June last year and from then until January this year I was feeling the same as you. I mourned the life I thought I was going to have, every conversation I had was about him and the divorce.

Then something shifted. I no longer give a shit! The divorce is still going through and looks like we are off to court so could be a year or more ahead of us. I've just started to live my life again, free from his control. It's no longer the first thing I think about and last thing I think about. I still talk to my friends and parents about it but it's more as an update rather than the only thing.

I've started going out with friends when I can and dating and am happier than I have been for years. And last year I couldn't see a time I would be happy again. He's just a slight inconvenience in my life now! Just get through this and it is better on the other side xx

@sophmum31 thank you for your reply. Good to hear you are in a better place. Sorry that it's going to court though, I dread the thought of that.
Luckily my emotionally unavailable ex refused to ever marry me so at least I can think of the silver lining there. No divorce just all the other shite to Wade through.
Wishing you happiness in your new life x

There was a day I woke up in the morning, a few months after the break up, and literally started laughing the second I woke up because I was so fucking relieved he wasn't there and I had a bed to myself and my future in my hands. I don't use literally in the way that is annoying - I mean I woke up, remembered it was over and I was free, and properly laughed. Belly laugh, tears down my cheek laughing.

I then went to the kitchen, got snacks (mainly cheese) and ate them all in bed allll day while I watched my favourite shows on my laptop.., because I could and was finally totally autonomous and not consumed by thoughts of an absolute cunt.

You'll have that morning too and I'm excited for you!

I split last January from my ex of five years. He was an absolute horror and left me an anxious mess who had 0 confidence. The first two months after we split I cried multiple times a day but gradually it got less and less and I began to look forward to a new life that I would have missed out on if I'd stayed. I'm currently buying a house with my new boyfriend and he is the complete opposite to my ex. I've literally never been happier! You will definitely get there too!

It took me about 18 months to get through it and now feel incredible! The divorce period is very stressful. Mine was quite straightforward and quick and he still made it impossible so try to just get through this stressful period knowing things will get better. I had therapy which I highly recommend. I also focused on doing things that made me happy until I felt settled enough to think about my future and what I wanted. I was able to do anything I wanted once we split and it was really helpful doing that, making my home nice, getting a dog, eating what I wanted, dressing how I wanted. It will soon start feeling like you are free. Stay strong.