I’m feeling put off by my boyfriend nights out/clubbing/drinking

[katiie3]

Hi everyone.

I met my bf during covid and we are both are in our 30s. He is 35 years old. We get on great but as things are easing and opening up, I’m seeing a side to him that is putting me off.

He loves going out clubbing/drinking, at least twice a month. He will go out on a weekend, get drunk and spend the rest of the weekend hungover.

I don’t mind him going out, he often spends time having dinner with friends, movies, days out with friends etc but his clubbing and getting drunk at least twice a month ( 2 weekends a month) is putting me off the relationship.

I just feel it is something you would get out your system whilst you were young. And he used to go clubbing every weekend in his 20s.

Anyone else have any insight or experience with something like this?

It doesn’t have to be something you “get out of your system” if it’s something you enjoy doing. But, if it’s not something you’re interested in then you just aren’t compatible - getting together with somebody knowing who they are and what what they like and then expecting them to change for you rarely ends happily for either party. This is what the dating stage is for - to find out whether you’re suited, and it doesn’t sound as though you are.

@ComtesseDeSpair yes, I would never stop him or tell him to change as I don’t agree with that. And I don’t think it is fair either, nor do I want to be the sort of person that would do that.

I’m just put off by it

YANBU to be put off. He isn’t BU to do it, either though.

He might never ‘grow out of it’, so you either accept it as an unticked box in an otherwise good relationship or you move on. Neither answer is right but I don’t really understand what you want from this thread, tbh

I think the boozing would be my main problem with it. Couldn't be doing with someone that spends enough on alchohol to get hammered twice per month. I'd also wonder if they had a problem with drink if they felt the need to get hangover drunk twice a month at 35 on a regular basis.

Might be an issue of compatibility more than anything tbh. You're ok to not be ok with things.

My sisters partner is like this and comes home regularly pissed up, vomiting all over their bathroom.

For me, it’s a no. I feel sorry for her having to put up with it to be honest.

Personally I got that out of my system in my twenties and don’t enjoy it much anymore except on the very odd occasion.

When does he see you?

You're not compatible. It's as simple as that and you're not wrong to be put off. Your gut is telling you something. Please listen to it. There's nothing wrong with how he is and behaves but it doesn't work for you and that's fine. Please move on and stop wasting time. Don't throw good time after bad.

Being hungover for a weekend every other weekend would be a no from me.

I think this x1000

YANBU to be put off. He isn’t BU to do it, either though

Going out twice a month is fine and 35 is hardly past it. Being hungover for an entire weekend is ridiculous though. He should be pulling himself out of bed by 11am, coffee, shower, food and get out for the day he will feel normal in no time.