I know I'm done. I see him now for what he is. But it's still damaged me. I was emotionally abused for quite some time. Took me ages to piece it all together and see what was happening. I was treated like the world for a while. Then it all started to slowly come apart. There's alot of stuff and I feel it all whirling around in my head as I try to sort it all out and move on. So i feel I'm trapped in these thoughts. It's not because I want him back. It's because I saw so many different sides to him and I feel I've been thrown around allover the place. I'm up and down. But currently it's all going round the last few days as I've had to be home more due to poorly kids.
I'll try keep it brief.
*We met and it felt like an instant thing. We sapped details. Messaged alot. Talked alot. He brought up his ex for the first time. They had split two years before. They were still friends. This was the start of lies regarding them and why it ended. He actually was an alcoholic and had cheated on her. After they split he tried to kill himself six month after moving out. She saved him as he text her to say bye. Since then they are in this weird scenario where there talk most days. I'm not sure how often they meet. But it's like neither of them want to be apart or together. She knew about me and he claimed at times she hinted at a reunion. He would dislike her and then love her like a little sister. He vented about her. Overshared about her. Told me all the stuff he bought her. Places they went. What he did with her. He just seemed so invested in her.
I think hes a dry drunk.
Learned over the months he had no relationships with family and seemingly no friendships. He blamed them ofcourse.
He kept talking about women in a weird way. Like he somehow attracted weird obsessed stalkers and had all these stories about why the women was always bad. Why he was always blocking people. he told me about a fling after his ex and overtime I learned that "fling" was whilst he was still living with his ex and together. It was the reason they split. But the fling was also a victim of his lies and she's now on antidepressants.
He started putting me down. Lying. Pretending he didn't understand anything I said to belittle me. Told me what he'd change about my appearance. Rude about my lifestyle and all the while pretending he had been raised a gentleman and was one of the men who was good.
He slagged others off for cheating. Disrespecting women. Leaned on me about his mental health and depression. Had outbursts at me. Silent treatment happened.
Eventually he walked away when I noticed he was eyeing up others. Realised he had been story telling for quite some time. Telling me what hr was up to without telling me if that makes sense. He came back. But he was cold. Distant. Was half making out he was into me. Wanted to see me. Started talking about the ex daily again and it was quite weird. I mentioned it in the end.
He over our time together borrowed money. Relied on me to sort things for him like shopping and household items. He paid but couldn't do it himself.
Eventually I camr to my senses when I saw there was a blantant other woman on his Facebook who h as involved with. A few messages to her and I had all the details. He was having sex with her and dumped me as he was getting to know her.after a few weekends off sex he didn't want her apart from friends with benefits.
I've blocked him everywhere. But I just can't get over him. Where the man went I knew. why he did this to me when I have kids. Why he didn't let me go. I always told him hated cheaters. Liars etc. he wasted so much of my time and drained my energy.
I'm usually a strong woman and have no history of this stuff. I was just unlucky.
But I can't get over it completely. I just feel he's cheated me out of a huge chunk of my life and u feel robbed of the future he faked.
I hope this post makes sense. I just don't know what I should do now. I don't think I can afford therapy. Any advice.