Ive met someone who has a lot of money ...

[dailydingo]

I've never been materialistic or had designer clothes. Never been bothered by it. It never mattered to me if I brought clothes from a supermarket or a label. If they fit (rare) and I like them (even rarer) then I'm happy. Until I met someone who has money. He wears designer clothes. All his clothes are designer. He has a stunning house. A brand new top of the range car. He wants for nothing. I earn an ok wage but nothing like what this bloke has. It cant explain it, but it has really affected me. The relationship wont go anywhere (that's another thread). I'm trying to make sense of why I feel like I do. I don't feel like I have to keep up with him. But, it has made me totally rethink my style and look at how old my clothes are (they are old as I rarely see anything I like, I'm quite fussy), how I present myself, that my £20 handbag (that I was previously happy with) looks cheap and has now been binned. I now want designer trainers (previously happy with £20 Next ones), I've just brought a CK handbag (from an outlet!). My friends are thinking WTF. This is not me. Its like I've seen the how the other half live and I want it. But I can never have it. How on earth do I snap out of this ?

Marry him, then you have got it

But really, I’m jealous too. How the other half live. We barely scrape by and I know a few wealthy people and it makes me feel stomach sick thinking about how easier and stress free our life would be if we were at least comfortable financially.

I love what we have, and we are lucky to have a house, my DD and my partner. Brilliant friends and family.. but I tell ya what, I’d love it so much more with a Tesla 😭

I think if you only hung about with people in your financial bracket. Which I suspect you did based on your comment in your friends reactions, then your world is really limited to that view. And you feel comfortable.

But when confronted wirh something else, something you perceive as better, it can make you do a comparison, and come up wanting. Comparison really is the thief of joy.

@squiglet111

Hang on... Does he own a house too?

How do you know it's not all on cc and car finance?

Always surprises me how few people don’t understand debt and finance. They think it’s just free money anyone can get, and don’t understand that to buy a house, have enough money to renovate it, furnish it, pass credit checks and get finances you need to have a high enough level of income in the first place.

I agree @Bluntness100

@squiglet111 - he earns in excess of £80k

His car is on finance - at the cost of £700 a month ! that's the equivalent of a months rent or a months mortgage pymt to some people

I think that is key right there.
Only having associated with people in your financial, educational, social bracket, you're going to naturally be like those people.

People refer to those as your core values but they really are just who you've been around.

This is a key reason why people don't move up in life. It's comfortable and familiar so people continue it on with each generation.
Stepping out of that gets a lot of negativity from those around you trying to pull you back into the pot with them.

The guy with the nice home, car, job that is probably how his lifestyle has been since birth. It's how his parents were and friends are so it is normal to them.

OP you can have a minimalist house if you want. You can always dump the clutter and things you don't really need.
You can look well put together without spending a fortune. Natural fibers, clothes that fit you perfectly, and are always pressed and in good repair

So, £80k is not “wealthy”, it is “well off”. If he’s got a car on finance for £700, remember that what he actually has is a great big debt. He has not bought this or his house outright. What you see and what he actually fully owns may be two very different things. I would rather have less but no debt, as debt is basically having less than zero

I find this really strange. Something else has gone on here. Something that has, indeed knocked your confidence.

OK. Here are my tricks.

Bottom line, you find yourself. Your style. I find there are amazing things in charity shops. I actually resent buying clothes in store at full value. Sale.

I'm also very strict on what I buy. Even second hand. I never buy a bag now which isn't of natural origin. Shoes are trickier.

'Doing your colours' really is a thing and it really works! Many people wear the wrong ones. E.g, I'm a 'cool winter'. Once I'd clicked that back in 2014, everything changed. Have you found yours?

When you do and then go CS hinting it immediately cuts out 90% so you don't waste money and you don't become overwhelmed.

I judge like a judgy fucker any person who deliberately makes you feel less than because your bag was picked up at The Shaw Trust. I'd probably brain them with bag TBH.

I bought for £6.50 the most beautiful metal standard lamp. Glass shades. The fucking lick. The lamps cost more than the item!!!

Finding a Jaegar dress. £8

A wool/cashmere full length red coat for £20.

Converse hi tops for £5

Its all there. Everything you could ever need. For sure, you need the eye bitthat comes with time. CS struggle because they put out stuff which has passed it and needs to be recycled or undercharged bizarrely.

I wouldve paid double that for the lamp.

I use supermarkets perhaps more than I should now. But I've found empath central rammed with what I call the 'wibbly wobblies' .

Beautiful people. So kind.

Ignore the tosser. Sounds like a No17 Bus Wanker to me!

I’d it’s the space and simplicity you like declutter your house

I think it's really sad that you feel like less of a person and unworthy of this man's attention just because he earns more than you. It's like you've cast yourself in the role of a peasant woman and he's the dashing lord. He's just a man. A man with a car with a different badge on and clothes with different badges on. I'm sure you have worked really hard for what you have and it's unfortunate that you were previously happy and now suddenly feel ashamed of who you are.